I’ve noticed that a lot of times the right thing to do is the most uncomfortable thing to do, but when you look back you don’t regret it. You know you have those moments when you’re on the brink of a potentially disastrous decision…. “Hmmm…. four red bulls in one night? Should I do this?” “Hmmmm, dancing with an old man when I can’t really dance. period?” “Gosh, should I eat this whole stack of pancakes AND the whole appetizer sampler?”
I say yes to all of the above….
But there are bigger questions out there. I think about the future a lot and the thing I’ve been dwelling on(but I really shouldn’t be) is whether or not someday I want to have children. WHOOOP! There it is! Just now I was thinking about having a child and my first thought was “Well there’s a lot of stuff that has to happen before this is really a life decision” and my second thought was “what if I was raped and became pregnant” and my third thought was “that would seriously f up my life” and my fourth thought was “GOD WHY AREN’T YOU EFFING UP MY LIFE!!!!”
You see I have this theory. Frankly it’s really uncomfortable when things happen in life. Change. It sucks. It is the exact opposite of comfortable. But without change God wouldn’t be able to mold us into the people He wants us to be. So you can get angry at God when you lose your job or get pregnant or somebody dies…. or you can thank God because He’s molding you into who He wants you to be. Basically if you’re comfortable you missed the boat. You’re going to live a boring life that will only leave a mark on a gravestone. If you want to do something truly remarkable you have to step into the nitty gritty uncomfortable world.
Here’s my problem though. I look forward to the end of the story and try to skip all the growing that happens along the way. I’m single right now for a reason. God has a plan for me and He’s teaching me how to be content with Him. He’s teaching me not to put other gods before Him. I have some pretty solid evidence that I’m not “destined” to be single my whole life…. I don’t have the “gift of singleness”. But right now in this moment I have to have it. Cuz that’s the awkward situation I’m in. ::insert ironic, self deprecating laughter here:: The moral of this story is that sometimes the change stops on something uncomfortable and you just want the big Wheel of Fortune to keep on spinning and not land on bankrupt but that isn’t how life works. Sometimes you have to learn to be content with the non-changing awkward.
If I were making a toast I would ask you to drink to the uncomfortable, awesome unknown. But since I am in fact lying on a couch nursing a “woke up at 6, worked for four hours and then watched a season of How I Met Your Mother” headache and NOT making a toast, you can just imagine it in your mind and drink something on your own.