Okay girls, Listen to the voice of experience.. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I know that’s weird coming from a total stranger but, it’s true. Whatever you do, don’t do things to your body because it isn’t what you think it should be. I’ve been there, done that. It’s not worth it. In the end you just have a wasted body and a lot of problems to deal with. The reason why I’m writing this, is because two years ago(to the day) I became aware of the fact I hadn’t eaten in three years in a very disgusting way. (I found out what half digested chicken sandwich and fries looks like). My… realization led to a really long journey that included a trip to hell and back. At the lowest point I was considering suicide and boulemia, because my tummy hurt so much because I’d actually had FOOD! Just a warning against starting… It’s been two years and I’m still not over it completely. I have my days… and my weeks, where things are bad and I feel like I can’t eat anything. And the culture I live in stresses the fact that people are thin, or fat or whatever. You go to a grocery store and you see magazines that have headlines like “guess who’s had lipo?”. Please realize that it wasn’t untill recently that anorexic thin was attractive. Actually, a news flash (shh…. no wait tell everyone you know) ANOREXIC THIN ISN”T ATTRACTIVE!!!!! Geez, if I wanted to see internal organs I would become a sergeon. And I know that usually it doesn’t get that far, but just realize what you’re doing to your body. Did you know that people with Eating disorders get a fine layer of hair all over their body to keep them warm because they don’t have a natural insulator(fat)? did you know that a woman needs 17-20 % body fat(20% being a minimum for some women) to have regular menstrual cycles? Did you know that when your body uses up all your stored nourishment it will start taking the stuff it needs to function from your muscles? Did you know that your stomoch will start to digest your internal organs after a short period of time without food? I’m not saying this to scare you, just to show you that eating disorders are not pretty.
body image issues don’t just hurt you, it hurts your friends and family too. And if there is someone in your life that is telling you that you’re less than beautiful… DUMP THEM!!! I don’t care if it’s your best friend or the guy you’ve been dating for four years. If they are making you feel bad about yourself, they don’t deserve you!!! You are beautiful, and precious. Find people to be around who are supportive of what you are NOW not what you could be if you shed a few pounds.
I don’t know if you’re a Christian or not, but I’m going to tell you that I wouldn’t be around today without God. The truth is, during those painful nights I was visited by the worst boogie monster anyone can imagine. Very rarely does the spiritual world spill into the physical world, but for a two months of my life, I battled with the boogie monster. (yes I’m talking about satan). Every night I would huddle in the corner and wait for the barrage on my mind to stop. It was thoughts… and the danger lurking in the shadows. Fear, in essence. But it was so many different levels of fear. I’m not even going to try to describe the feeling of utter helplessness. It was like every night there was one person advocating on the side of death and the other on the side of life. During those nights, I would read the Psalms. Whenever it thunder stormed I would go outside at night and cry and talk to God and get away from the monsters in my room. There’s a psalm that talks about God’s lightning lighting up the world and the mountains melting like wax before God’s awesomeness. I clung to the promise that God was powerful enough to save me. And he did. I’m still alive and blogging.
If you’re out there feeling alone, feel free to e-mail me at graciespacie@yahoo.com
~Grace
Amen.
And while we’re sharing the past–It was just slightly over a year ago that I had one of the worst spiritual attacks of my life. I’d just gotten home from a movie with some friends and I suddenly found myself under attack. I was discontent. I felt hopeless. I felt that I didn’t belong. I was angry and confused. A pit of despair was open before me, a thousand emotions were overcoming me. I tried to tell myself truth, but I couldn’t see in the midst of the lies.
Then I cried out to God, “Help me.”
And He did. I wrote in my journal: “Last night was easily one of the most exhausting battles I have ever encountered. Despair would have left me for dead, fear would have overcome me–except that the Lord is my help. When I called to Him, He answered, battling on my behalf. And the enemy was defeated. When my strength was not enough to resist the enemy, the Lord fought on my behalf. He gave me strength to fight, to battle, to believe the truth, and to deny the evil one any place in my soul.”
Whether you’re battling an eating disorder or depression, you can’t fight the battle yourself. Only God can conquer it. But He is more than willing to answer when you call.
Thanks again for sharing, doll.
Grace, thank you for sharing this. I just want you to know that I think and pray for you often regarding this issue. I know all too well where you have been and let me just say I am so proud of you for believing the truth. You are beautiful – and you don’t have to be skinny to be beautiful! The eating disorder road is not one anyone should ever take. It is an ugly road and one that Satan wants us taking. We know that God is bigger than the “boogie man” and He is guiding us away from that road of destruction if only we would follow.
Let me know if you ever need to talk or have temptations. I understand and am here for you if you need to.
I’ll keep that in mind.