Since this is a teen blog I thought I’d address an issue that a lot of people associate with teens(but is not limited to them).
Confidence and Self respect.
Through my four years of high school I’ve heard a lot of things that I disagree with. “I respect myself, I just love him so much.”, “He’s so out of my league”, “What’s the point of saving myself, I’m already used.”, “I’m totally not his type”, “I’m too fat for a guy like him.”…. blah blah blah!
I’m so SICK OF IT! What is this whole league thing? Who says you aren’t good enough for whats’his’bucket? Who told you you’re ugly? Who told you you’re fat? Who told you you’re stupid?
nine times out of ten nobody said that, it’s just them being insecure and critical of themselves. One time out of ten it’s a bitchy mom who should have her children taken away because the damage done is more permanent then growing up in poverty. Poverty can be risen above. When you tear down your kids, that damage is irreversible.
So here is the destructive teenaged girl confidence circle.
1. Girl looks in the mirror and notices that she doesn’t have perfect skin and perfect eyes and a perfect tan and the perfect lips and perfect hair and bla bla bla bla blaaaaaaa.
2. Girl puts on a butt ton of makeup which causes (breakouts) which causes more and makeup(Insert vicious cycle of own)
3. Girl goes out in public. Boy sees an unconfident girl that looks completely fake and is completely turned OFF. Therefore the boy doesn’t give the girl any attention.
4. Girl notices that the boy has dismissed her and she goes back to square one.
How most girls decide to get out of this mess is by giving the boy an offer he can’t refuse. SEX! And the crazy thing is that most girls don’t even realize that’s what they’re peddling with their desperation. Guys want girls who will sleep with them. Okay this isn’t true of all guys, or even most guys…. But when you have a friend who just met a guy at a party and they’re already dating… expect to get the “So…. last night….” Conversation. Nasty creepy guys are excellent at picking up on low confidence and they know that low confidence pays dividends. Unfortunately, this guys are, for some reason, thought of as highly attractive by females.
“Oh my god, he’s so attractive. He’s probably had thousands of women, and I want to be the 1,001st woman that he uses and then throws away” oh wait, never mind, we convince ourselves that we’re different from all those other girls. That for some strange reason involving a stupid cherub and an arrow tipped with a phenomenon can change the whole picture.
Ladies, cheaters don’t change. Cheaters will cheat. Only an act of God can change this fact. Dogs will eat their own vomit, recovering alcoholics will return to the bar, and cheaters will cheat. It takes an act of God to change these things…. (And sometimes an act of man. you know, if we chain people up then they wouldn’t….)
So basically we as women need to find out how to attract the non-cheating men. I have a solution.
Of all the memes and websites and facebook statuses and viral videos and teeshirts and you name its I’ve read, I have gathered that men are attracted to confidence. Yeah, they like it when you have a rockin’ bod and bla bla bla that’s pretty important to guys. But when a girl is wearing confidence, it is the sexiest thing ever. Heck, I’m attracted to confident women(in an entirely platonic way). It’s how we choose our friends. It’s how this whole “league” thing got here. Confident people are in a league of their own. Why? Cuz they don’t believe in leagues.
So when I tell you you’re beautiful, goshdarnit believe it! God doesn’t make ugly people. People make ugly people. And you know how they make ugly people? By trying to be pretty. Just be yourself and be confident in who you are. You can’t change yourself. You are who you are, and if people don’t like that then you’re better then them. They don’t deserve you. You deserve to have someone who loves you when you’re wearing your glasses with no makeup on and in sweats. And frankly, that guy is worth waiting for. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Whether it’s your mom or the devil himself, don’t believe a word of it.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m nothing special. I’m pasty white. I have ratty hair that somehow looks good(I didn’t do it!) I have little eyes and lopsided lips and oily skin with ginormous pores. I have freckles all over everywhere. When I flush I turn tomato red because I’m so pasty. I’m too tall to be petite but too short to be all legs. I wear glasses. My eyebrows are so blond they might as well not be there and today I found my first gray hair. I have extremely large shoulders that make the rest of me look kind of off, even though the rest of my body is decent looking. I have big wrists and sausage fingers. Big feet. I hate shaving my legs so most of the time I don’t do it. I don’t get enough sleep I’m sick a lot, I live my life in sweatpants. Did I mention I have acne? All over my neck and chest. It’s not cool. And to top it off, I’m shy and slightly socially awkward. I never know the right thing to say, I’m not funny, I’m terrible at telling jokes, and if someone is laughing at me it’s because I unwittingly did something funny. It’s never premeditated. My personality at it’s best is when I’m really angry or really tired. That is pathetic.
But that’s who I am. I can’t change it. I love who I am cuz I’m the only me. I wear my freckles with pride. I flaunt my body(when I want to… which isn’t very often). I talk to people like I have a right to, which I do. I treat people with respect and I treat myself with respect.
If I have never been asked out on a date, it’s just because the right guy hasn’t met me yet. There’s nothing wrong with me. (Also I tend to give off a “Not interested” vibe. I think I intimidate guys…) But one day I’m going to meet a guy and I’m going to give off the “interested” vibe and he’s going to give it off too. and he’s going to ask me out and I’m going to say yes. Then we are going to date for a while and he will NOT be getting anything from me. Cuz I’m worth waiting until the wedding night.
“Wow, Grace. I wish I could believe that. I wish I could be confident”
You can. Confidence is a choice. Make it.