That Wednesday night as I drove home from the coffee shop pondering the man who desecrated ‘Nothing but the Blood’. I was still kind of riled up and I was thinking about how Joanna and I had reacted and wondered if there was something we should have done differently. Then it hit me.
This man was and is completely and totally lost. Hopeless.
Politics is his god.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in my eighteen years it’s that politics will always disappoint you. It will always let you down. Politicians are flawed and policies are outdated. There’s pork and sell-outs. There are back deals, there are affairs… Politics doesn’t work.
This man is completely hopeless
And he spent the night blaspheming the only hope there has ever been for this world. He built in his heart the idol of politics. So I began to pray out loud for this man as I terrorized my fellow drivers. I beseeched God on behalf of this man that had no hope. I prayed for his lady companion. I prayed that his eyes would be opened and that his heart would be won. Because this man blasphemed with his mouth, but more importantly he blasphemed in his heart.
“But so do you” whispered the still small voice.
In that moment I was crushed by so much grief that all I could do was cry.
How can I storm out of that coffee shop enraged at blasphemy when I myself have denied God in my life? What a hypocrite I am! I was angry at this man because he was worshiping politics instead of God, but don’t I worship my future?
Don’t I revel in my sin?
Don’t I make plans and demand God’s support without praying about it?
Don’t I lust in my heart for the things of this world? A college education, a nice job, a hot husband, 2.1 kids, a big house with a white picket fence out front and a big wide porch… Aren’t these things expected of God in this culture?
What if God doesn’t have a college education for you.
What if Mr. McDreamy isn’t a part of the plan.
What if life is more complicated than the cute little box our culture likes to put it in?
As I drove like a maniac I cried and poured out my heart to God. I confessed my sins. After years of showing God my sin but not speaking of it and fully putting it at His feet I finally spoke the words. I told God what I had done. I told Him I didn’t want it anymore. I don’t want it any more.
“I don’t want to be happy unless I’m happy because of You. I don’t want it unless it’s from You. No matter how good it is, no matter how great I feel, I don’t want it unless it’s from You.”
So now my life is all daisies and rainbows right? After an experience like that there’s no way I’m going back, right?
Wrong. If anything it’s been worse than ever in the past week. But I have hope to cling to.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.” Romans 5:3-6