You know those awkward moments when people expect you to say witty things but you don’t have anything to say? This is happening to me a lot lately. I’m not sure what the point of it is… perhaps it’s God’s way of humbling me, perhaps I’ve never really had something worthwhile to say… But at this point in time I find the worst part of my day is trying to think of a facebook status.
The part that makes it so frustrating is that I have a lot going through my brain that I would love to say something witty about…. but it all seems shallow and gloaty. “Last year I was in switzerland, this year I had to work. Guess I’m a terrible American”
Yeah, sure Grace. Holiday pay and Switzerland. No one is going to read that status and think “Poor Gracie”
No, these are the inane things that go through my head that I hate(I also hate that I can’t talk about my traveling experiences without people thinking I’m some spoiled brat who gets free trips to Europe. I have been NOWHERE except for my tour last summer. My most exotic vacation was to Canada, and that wasn’t even for funsies. That was for a wedding…. All the other vacations were to Montana and Missouri. I’m so spoiled.(That’s right. I count count the number of vacation trips on one hand.(Too much self-pity? Perhaps))) And now I’m working my tushy off so some day I can make a difference in this world. Poor Gracie.
Self pity aside, I am truly blessed. If pride and pity rear their ugly heads it is proof that I am in fact human and in need of a savior. More deeply than any of you will know. For who can truly comprehend the teenaged mind?
The purpose of my packing up my bags and moving in with my sisters was to earn money for college, yes. But it was also a chance to get out of my routine and find God, so to speak. Well here’s what I’ve found.
In Joshua there’s a lot of talk of battle. There are the ones that are won and the ones that are lost. if you want to turn your memories back to Achan you can remember that a whole battle was lost due to his sin and a lot of “innocent” people died(though who is truly innocent?)…. Once Achan is killed then the Israelites start to win again. But when the army went forward without God, they failed. Then later when Israel goes into captivity the reason is because they’ve blasphemed God in their hearts and God turns against them. Most of the chosen people are wiped out and only a remnant remains.
In Joshua right before the battle of Jericho Joshua goes and meets with the Commander of the Lord’s army. Joshua asks him “Are you for us?”
The commander answers “No.”
“But I am the commander of the Lord’s army.”
Moral of this story…. God is for Himself.
“I am on nobody’s side cuz nobody is on my side.”
And they say his(name that author for brownie points) literary works weren’t affected by his faith…
next post is going to unravel the specifics for my hatred of Casting Crowns(I wrote a journal entry a few nights ago and I thought it was very clear as to why I hate them. Think I might share…) Be prepared to get a lot of input from the Calvinist side of the dichotomy that is my mind.