Mkay peeps, here’s my dilemma. I’ve been working on my swearing issue for a while now, and I’m not going to say it’s getting better because then I’ll get cocky and let my guard down cuz that’s what I do… sighs. I have a pretty easy time cutting out certain unsavory words because they’re cultural and don’t actually convey a real idea. Like the f word. No one needs to actually say that word because culturally it’s an accessory word.

Accessory Word: A word that doesn’t actually mean anything. Used to express an emotion or add more emotion to a sentence. like “ARRRRGGGHHH” or “SHOOT!” or “F$@%#!” or “That was some freaking good lasagna.”, “AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH I STUBBED MY TOE!”

These accessory words I have a pretty easy time with cutting them out. Mostly due to the fact that my brain doesn’t operate in coherent language(contrary to significant evidence otherwise(my affinity for languages)). That’s right folks. Unless I’m really riled up(this will come back) My mind operates in images and grunts(there’s probably some psychological reason behind this where the part of my brain that is emotional is connected to my speech…. when the big emotions are coming the magnificent speeches kick in. seems kind of backwards to me….) So when I’m spacing out and stub my toe the first word out of my mouth is…. nothing. No words. It’s “AAARRRGHHH!!!!!”

But after the initial shock has worn off my non-spacing brain kicks in and I feel the need to insult whatever it is that caused the emotion.

“AAAAARRRGGGHHHH! Son of a biscuit eating bulldog!”

Bad Names: Names that are insulting used to degrade. i.e. butt trumpet, son of a biscuit eating bulldog, mother, turd box, retard, homosexual, any combination of the above. Plus all of the four letter words in some variation. Not going to say all the insulting names I know. That would be highly inappropriate.

My mother always taught me that if I didn’t have something nice to say to say nothing at all. Jesus taught me not to gossip. I taught myself to give people the benefit of the doubt.

So basically insulting names have no place in my vocabulary. Whatever issue I have with cutting these out is linked to a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with. In utopia, I don’t have a problem with these words.

But there is one descriptive word that I am having issues with. One that is really hard to cut out of my vocabulary. And that is Bad(inappropriate word for patootie).

now here’s my definition of a badbum. Nope too hard. Here are my examples of badbums.

1: Jason Bourne

2: Black Cat a.k.a. IIIX a.k.a. Train Heartnet

3: James Bond

4: Neal Caffrey

5: Batman

6: Sarah Palin Gerard Butler

7: The Brothers Reidell

8: Mr. and Mrs. Smith

9: Severus Snape

10: The Doctor

11: Pre-Bella Edward Cullen

Mkay I know what you’re thinking. “Grace, there are barely any girls on that list! Girls can be badbums too!”

Here are my adjectives that describe badbummery:

1: strong

2: independent

3: mysterious

4: confident

5: more than slightly dangerous

6: sleek

7: classy

8: detached(borderline ruthless)

9: tall

10: dark

11: handsome

and there you have the reason why not many girls pass the test. In my eyes. There’s an aspect of sexual attraction involved in this. In fact, I’m knocking Sarah Palin off the list. She’s been made fun of too much to be classy and she was in politics for too long to be mysterious. Sorry chica. So basically the only woman who made it was Mrs. Smith a.k.a. Angelina Jolie. I hate her guts, but she’s BA.

So you can see where I’m coming to a dilemma here. I use this term a lot to explain people and I’m not going to say “Oh my lord I met this guy and he’s mysterious and sexy(in an almost purely platonic way). He seems really dangerous but at the same time trustworthy. So classy and chic, omg….” when I could say “I met this bad….”

So I want to find a good alternative for this phrase. Which is hard because I can barely even explain to you what one is using ordinary adjectives. How can I find an alternate phrase that is just as short that conveys the same idea?

I can’t say badbum or any other phrase that uses a less offensive word for posterior because anything less than ass is juvenile and therefore not BA. Cuz let’s be honest. Badpatooties swear. Which is why I’m not one…

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I give up. I want two words that I can smoosh together to make an equally descriptive phrase. The first must be more descriptive than “bad” because we can’t use the even more descriptive posterior…. the second word should be a noun that is super epic. Maybe a word for a superman. Like a droid… or captain America…

If anyone has any suggestions let me know. I need to go be a good hostess at midnight…make sure everyone has a place to crash…

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2 Responses to BadButt

  1. bekahcubed says:

    I say you think of the most B-A person you can think of and then use his initials as a fill in. “I met a total J-B today.” Those in the know will get what you’re saying, those that don’t know don’t need to. And it’s not swearing.

  2. bekahcubed says:

    I think I’m going to have to start talking about F.D.’s now. Except that talking about Mr. Darcy wasn’t ever bad in the first place :-)

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