Why am I not surprised? The fears betrayed in the former post were in fact proven correct. I will admit, the night was put together well, but that was the only thing that actually worked… I came away from the night feeling like I’d just wasted an hour and a half of my life. I feel like I’m in the wrong position in the whole grand scheme of things. I’m a teacher. I like to be the one teaching things, not the one learning things… and when the teachers aren’t even half as equipped as I am, It makes this reality even more excrutiating.
Anyway. My summer is now in full swing. I got paid for babysitting today! yay! now I get to set it aside and save it. detasseling should start soon….
Amazingly, I don’t have that much to say. My life is mediocre at best right now… I don’t have any PRAISE GOD moments to share(at least that are my own to share)…. I don’t have any Rants…. I don’t have any stark realities…
Okay, well, that’s not true… but I’ve already tol ya’ll that I’m not what anyone expects, and it pisses me off when they expect me to be something that I’m not…. that’s no different.
have I ever told you how big of a fool I am? I seem to always get it wrong. I never do the right thing… I never do the wrong thing either, I just do the thing. I never use wisdom, I just act rashly… and I’m always spewing these bitternesses and discontentedness… I’m not happy. I’m not content… I’m constantly making mediocre choices. like a fenc-sitter…. a mullet-wearer… I’m kinda sick of it.
ah, there we go. Finally, something exciting to blog about.
The moral of this story is…. I have nothing to share…. almost
together in boredom(for why else would you be reading my blog?)
Grace
have I ever told you how big of a fool I am?
I seem to always get it wrong. I never do the right thing…
I never do the wrong thing either,
I just do the thing.
I never use wisdom,
I just act rashly…
and I’m always spewing these bitternesses and discontentedness…
I’m not happy.
I’m not content…
I’m constantly making mediocre choices.
like a fence-sitter….
a mullet-wearer…
I’m kinda sick of it.
I could point to a dozen journal entries that say something similar–sick and tired of being of sick and tired. Frustrated at my lack of progression. Upset at the endless cycle of making the same mistakes day after day after day.
I could encourage you to try harder–but trying harder didn’t really get me anywhere. Anywhere except sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is.
Instead, I’ll tell you what helped me to get through. Cindy Slocum shared a little saying with me that had a huge impact: “My circumstances are not my life, Christ Jesus is my life.”
When you’re tempted to think or say “My life sucks”, remind yourself that your circumstances aren’t your life. Your life isn’t what’s going on, what you’re feeling–Christ is your life.
Cling to Him in your times of trouble–run to Him as a place of refuge.
I’m praying for you, my dear.
(Oh, and check out Carrie’s blog for the Chronicles of Narnia reading challenge!)
I read your blog not because I am bored, but because I care about you. It is the only way I know anything about your life anymore.
“I feel like I’m in the wrong position in the whole grand scheme of things”
I know exactly what you mean. I can’t even count how many times I have thought that in the last year. But I am reminded of Queen Esther and how her cousin Mordecai told her that perhaps she was in her royal position “for such a time as this”.
Sometimes we fee like we are out of place, and that we don’t really belong. Thankfully, “there is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms and that is the place where I am changed and that’s where I belong” Even if it feels like we don’t belong, or have been “misplaced in the grand scheme of things”, we have the confidence of knowing that as long as we are in Jesus’ arms, we ARE where we belong.
Believe it or not, I love you, kiddo!
All I have to say is Motions, Matthew West cuz I know you relate and understand…
Love ya Babe!