Wait did I say cat? That’s not the word.
I’ve been experiencing this really strange phenomenon lately. I’m not sure if this is an external attack of my mind or a consequence of my crazy schedule….
But I’m experiencing a certain level of social anxiety.
I’ve always been an anxious person to begin with, but I’ve never particularly cared about what people think…
That was until I started working at my current job.
Being a full subscriber to the scientific method I’ll tell you all the different factors that might contribute to my social anxiety.
1. I am entirely around people I don’t know very well. I NEVER hang out with my old friends. And by never I mean very rarely.
2. The gossip-mill is very active. My coworkers criticize everyone else, why not me?
3. I’m working around 50 hours a week. Including three 12 hour shifts. I’m tired.
4. My church going is erratic. I don’t go to the same service each week. I don’t see the same people each week. I don’t really have an opportunity to actually develop relationships with people.
I’m going to say that there are probably more things to it, and all of them contribute to my anxiety, but the end result is that whenever I’m in public I feel like I have to prove to everyone that I’m worth their time. Unfortunately due to my exhaustion I can’t form coherent thoughts and I lose my filter. I say things without thinking about them and in the end I feel like I’ve either wasted people’s time by saying stuff that makes no sense, or that I’ve somehow inadvertently insulted these people and they now hold me in contempt.
I don’t want to leave my house now.
This is a problem.
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. You’ll probably all think I’m some crazy emotionally unstable person who needs affirmation from everyone. Well you’re probably right if you think that.
I need help.