I don’t feel like ranting

can you believe it? I”m not mad at anyone right now… I’m happy because finals is half done… I’m happy because Remedy Drive has one really good CD. I”m happy because I’m not going to fail all my finals because I actually studied for the first time in my life. I”m happy because for the first time in a really long time I’m thinking about someone else other then myself. I”m happy because I’m not broke anymore. I’m happy because I bought some non-liquid black eyeliner. I”m happy because my clothes fit me. I’m happy because summer is only a few days away. I’m happy because I have a ton of friends that love me…

the only damper is the fact that I feel like puking….

oh well, the good far outweigh the bad.

see, I’m not ranting.

Posted in Girl-ness, Random Anecdotes | 4 Comments

Summer!

Hooray! Only one more day of regular schedule and three days of finals and then i’m FREEBIRD BABY!!!! I’m really excited about what this summer is gonna be like. I’m hoping that I can earn a bunch o’ doe from detasseling, babysitting and teaching piano. Speaking of which, Tuesday is my first day as an official teacher that gets paid! Isn’t that exciting? I get to earn myself a little respect in the working world. I will be joining the world of tertiary workers. that is, a worker that doesn’t produce anything, but merely serves the people. (IN case you haven’t noticed yet, I’m stressing out about my geography final. No worries )

It’s gonna be great going back to detasseling. I get to be on top of the bus. I get to push around some first years. I get to be worshiped by said first years. I get to yell at first years…. I get to be rotton to first years and get away with it… like I would do that though ;) No, I’m going to carefully and calmly tell first years that they’re sucking it up without managing to hurt their feelings. It takes skill, but I think I can do it. 

Babysitting will give me the opportunity to regain contact with my somewhat battered maternal instincts. I confess, children are not my hearts sole desire anymore. 

To be honest, I have one major goal this summer. I’m tired of pretending to be what people expect me to be. I’m tired of watching my behavior around people. I’m tired of editing out the more… shocking aspects of my life. I’m tired of giving people the impression that I’m a perfect little angel when anyone who has had me relax with them will know that I’m not. I”m tired of splitting my life in two. I want to be the same person at school as I am at church… and that doesn’t mean that I’m going to be completely heathenistic at church or way goodie-goodie at school. I’m going to try to find my happy medium…. which might be hard since I’m not going to be going to school over the summer(duh), but I’ll try to be more real with the church friends. If they completely ditch me because of it, well, that’s their loss.

…. I hate grocery stores. It seems like every time I go to super saver a nasty looking guy gives me the eye…. (although last time he wasn’t THAT disgusting looking, he was just over five years older then me.)

so yeah, that’s life.

Posted in Girl-ness | 1 Comment

last night

so yeah, I was supposed to “preach” at Youth last night… I went into the deal with three verses written down and absolutely no freakin’ clue as to what I was going to say.

well, I went on for about 20 minutes, so it must have been good. no one was sleeping, that was a plus. I wasn’t shaking….

I have some lyrics to share.

Heartbeat-Remedy Drive

This is a draught 
Been living without
The one thing life requires
What a mess
Passionless
Somewhere I lost the fire
Oh my my 
Where has it gone
Can anybody turn this beat back on
My heart is fast asleep
Dreaming it could bleed
For something that’s real
My desperate appeal 
God I’m getting tired of the way I feel
When I would rather be alive

I want to wake up
I want to restart
Put the drumbeat back in my heart
I need to be revived
Bring me back to life

Coming on slow head to toe
The pulse is back again
It’s grace in my veins – replacing the pain
Bringing me back from the dead
Oh my my now I can see 
You heard me cry emergency
Screaming out for help
You saved me from myself
The fires returned I’m letting it burn
There’s nothing better in the whole wide world
It feels so good to be alive 

I LOVE this song. I’m listening to it on loop. My heart is screaming this song. Don’t ask me why I feel so dead inside. kind of awkward, right? I was speaking life yesterday, and yet I feel so dead on the inside. ironic… hypocritical… same diff.

Posted in For the Love of Music, Relationship | 2 Comments

vent

this is a vent on life. Life sucks. and it will always be that way!!! teacher’s will always give too much homework, there will always be two… or three…. or four… people that really annoy the crap out of me. there will always be that stupid person that believes that your life is oh so easy because you’re only a frosh. there will always be that ignorant male that doesn’t understand why I have to get new summer clothes… 

1) Okay, first annoyance mentioned…. teachers that give too much homework… My Science teacher and my geometry teacher…. they’re both the stupidest teachers EVER! Neither of them can teach, but they both assign hideous amounts of homework at the same time, and then expect you to do it all on time. And then they expect you to know it all after they’ve talked about it a grand total of ONCE and you’re still confused, and then they give you a test over every minute detail that they went over…. and you fail because they can’t freaking teach the class… And my science teacher… Me and a friend put “pollution” down for same question. the real answer is “air pollution”. I got the question wrong, my friend got it right. I asked about it, and instead of giving me the point, or letting us have half credit(becasue it WAS half right), my friend lost the point…. GO BACK TO AFRICA, YOU STUPID WHITE TRASH PREP SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!!!! did I mention that she used to teach at a prep school in Africa? another thing, she disses Nebraskans while teaching in Nebraska? She thinks we’re all idiots that don’t know what to do in emergencies. And she thinks that because our average on a FORMATIVE quiz isn’t that great, that we’re all delinquents that shouldn’t be in D classes. and did I mention she gives a lot of homework? grrr….. she annoys me…

2) second annoyance. the two… or three… or four… people that annoy the crap out of me… this is really general, but it’s really big. cheerleaders. loud-mouths. know-it-alls that don’t actually know-it-all. teachers that give too much homework. idiots that stop in the middle of the hall to make out. anyone that does excessive PDA. politicians, mainly liberals, sometimes conservatives. lunch line cutters. nerds that think they’re cool, but they’re not. gay people that think they’re christian. any non-christian claiming christianity. people that diss christians. people that complain about their parents all the time. parents. curfews. siblings. lunch ladies. people with rediculous crushes. that’s just to name a few.

3) stupid people that think your life is easy. that’s pretty self explanitory, but I’ll vent anyway. My life is NOT easy! My life is so busy, I don’t know what way is up(may have to do with complaint number one). ever wonder why I always blog late at night? maybe it’s because that’s the only time I CAN blog. annoying, right. which brings me to the part where I’m annoyed by people thinking it’s easy. “Oh, you’re just a freshman, you have it SO easy!” no. false. “oh my gosh, how could you be so pessimistic about life already. you’re not even in the real world yet.” what. the. heck! I’ve been to a surreal world that’s ten times worse then real, I can’t WAIT to get into the real world! and then people are like… “why are you sad? life is good!” what? I’m sorry, but, WHAT? what do you know about life? life is not good! Life is stupid and rough and unfair, and it doesn’t matter how hard you try, you all get screwed over in the end anyway!

4) on a happier note, that ignorant male that is wondering why you need to get new summer clothes despite the fact that you’ve obviously gained thirty pounds since the last time you needed to wear shorts, and you now have thighs and some belly fat to house under those summer clothes. where are your eyes?!?!?!?! It’s completely obvious to me!!! have not you noticed the overhand whenever I try to put on shorts? let me enlighten you, there’s an overhand of fat whenever I try to put on shorts! hmmm, that’s not good. 1)because I don’t like seeing fat, good or bad. 2)because it HURTS to put them on! pain, yes! it hurts to try to squeaze my sensitive fat covered area into a small space. but, a male wouldn’t know anything about that, would they! grrr….

so there it is. all my pent up frustrations.

Posted in Girl-ness, Politics | 3 Comments

Christian radio?

as of right now I’m going to rant on stupid christian radio these days. I’m really sick of radio stations playing the spongs that everyone wants to hear, but not what they need to hear. Honestly, I turn on the local christian station, and all I hear is “I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.”… yes, this is true…. but there are more dynamic things to sing about… like the depravity of man…. but oh wait, the only songs that they can play about the depravity of man are the ones that aren’t theologically sound… the ones that accuse the church on turning their back on non-believers and not carrying out Jesus’s plan. news flash(casting crowns) it’s not my fault that some idiot out there identifies themselves with the christian faith but doesn’t walk it and skews the polls. I go to a church that actively seeks out the lost and needy. we provide a LOT for the surrounding community. (back to the point) I don’t want to listen to music on the christian station that is shallow and scratches the mere surface of christianity and doesn’t bring up dynamic lyrics that make me think. the only one that I can think of that makes me seriously think is “all those people, going somewhere, why have I never cared.”… and that’s only because I have a really distinctive “I don’t care” attitude toward the people around me…. that’s a unique attitude that isn’t shared by anyone that I’ve met so far…. except all my heathen friends at school…. well, even that isn’t strictly true. My point is, why can’t christian radio stations play music that is actually apllicable to christians? How about “gratitude” by Nicole Nordeman? that’s about giving thanks to God no matter how he answers prayer. And practically any hillsong united song? they’re all about following Jesus to the cross and a rising up generation… and jesus blood… and God being the solution to world hunger and political strife and relationship strife. And heck, why not throw in some skillet? They sing about God being with you through thick and thin and always being beside you no matter how black the night. And what about the good ald days when rich mullens was everyone’s hero? when “there’s a loyalty that’s deeper then mere sentiment. and the music higher then the songs that I can sing. the stuff of earth competes for the alleigance I owe only to the giver of all good things.” and “If I weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home.” and what about the very beginnings of christian rock with randy stonehill and his buddies. “We are all foolish puppets, who desiring to be free, are pitifully crippled, after cutting our own strings.”

Why can’t we sing about this stuff on public radio? Is it because people don’t want to hear about the long journey to the cross? Is it because people don’t want to hear about the long nights. because people don’t want to hear that we’re all pitifully crippled without Jesus? Is it because people want to feel good about themselves by putting themselves in the position of the victim in half of casting crown’s songs? News flash, christians, you’re not a victim! You’re a believer in the lord Jesus Christ, you have no reason to be a zictim unless you take yourself out from under God’s protection, and into the fury of the storm… and why don’t we call God stuff like “the giver of all good things” anymore? Where’d all our creativity go? and why can’t we juxtapose and contrast and compare and make analogies anymore? “we’re all dirty filthy sinners that are going to hell because we’ve turned against God.” puppets cutting their own strings makes more sense, it’s in less harsh language… and it makes you THINK!

when youwrite a song, I’d like you to do one of two things. write in creative language about something that I wouldn’t have thought about before. or praise our God and savior in as many creative ways as possible. And if you suck at writing, stick to singing, and if you suck at singing stick to writing, and if you suck at both…. well, you get the best job of all. you get to listen and soak it in and show God that you’re not ashamed of your suckiness.

so, if you see me driving down the road listening to death metal… it’s probably because the christian station is in the middle of their 40 minute bonanza of sucky shallow music… and in twenty minutes I will switch it back to hear the one good song they have on their playlist. I hope you share my frustration… because I believe that christians deserve good music… and frankly, we’re not getting it from our public radio.

oh, and what happened to singing hymns without screwing up the melody or the timing or adding a bunch of stupid electric guitar and drums to make it sound like something it’s not? It’s a HYMN!!! it was written centuries ago by amazing people that probably were closer to God then you will ever be! honestly, you’re gonna make them roll over in their grave by defiling their music like that! If you want to cater to the young crowd on the radio, play skillet or Thousand foot Krutch, or Underoath, or Kutless, or starfield… grrrr…. I am so offended.

Posted in For the Love of Music, Religion | 1 Comment

On Catholocism and Liberalism… (and life)

Don’t be frightened by the title. I’m only comparing the two, not damning them like I do most subjects.

Martin Luther. He pushed for religious reform. Why, you may ask? Because the Catholic church was corrupted, and the pope was not standing up for the values that the church was founded on(see, I’m not damning the catholic church). Under the guise of “morality” and “christianity” the figure-head of the catholic church(the pope, not a crucified Jesus) lived a life of immorality and greed. He defaced the values of the church and corrupted them to the point that the church was a powerful political entity that controlled life instead of the kind reflection of the body of christ that it was called to be. Martin Luther spoke out against this gross corruption, and through his influence, started the biggest reformation in history, and triggored the formation of protestantism. 

How does this tie into liberalism, you may ask? well, to put it bluntly, Liberalism will be the downfall of democracy. America was founded on christian values. our democracy was founded on christian values. our success is a direct result of christian values. I think I can safely say that liberals don’t stand up for christian values. 

1)Marriage is a reflection of the relationship between God and the church. God cannot stand sin. Homosexuality is a sin.

Romans 1:26-27

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

If marriage is a reflection of God and the church… wouldn’t that mean that marriage should be pure as the relationship between God and the church is pure? It says in Romans 1 that men committed “indecent acts” with other men. let’s cut the crap, men were having sex with each other. They were being Homo. so basically God is saying in this passage that homosexuality is indecent and immoral… It’s a SIN. If I can’t lie, then you can’t be homosexual…. that was a bunny trail, the point is that marriage is a christian union between a man and a woman. You homosexuals out there want to be on a family insurence plan? call it something other then marriage…. MAKE it something other then marriage. because frankly, you calling it marriage is defacing the meaning and symbolism behind it. Marriage is a pure union between a man and a woman. It’s a reflection of God and his followers. God does not have a “unnatural and indecent” relationship with his church! NO FALSE FAIL! That makes me SO mad when people go around and say “oh look, we’re married! Oh I don’t like you anymore! I’m going to divorce you. Oh look! a person of the same sex as me! This person cares for me. Let’s desecrate the holy sacriment of marriage and have an immoral relationship and say it’s a reflection of God and the church!” PISSES ME OFF!!!!! Liberals are the ones who are pushing for Gay marriage. how can you be a sincere follower of christ and pro-gay marriage? If you have a sincere relationship with God and you’re okay with gay marriage, you have some sincere soul searching to do… and you don’t have christian values.

2)abortion. What’s that verse about before you were born God knew you? How he knitted you in your mother’s womb and made every detail perfect? Abortion is like spilling water all over a still wet masterpiece of a painting. What’s that verse about God knowing about every crow that falls out of the sky? Let’s put this together. 1.31 MILLION abortions in America in 2000. that is 1.13 million people that God knitted together and formed with love with a specific purpose in mind with absolute care with the love and affection of a master painter… and in a year 1.31 million of his masterpieces were smeared. If I were God, I would be pretty ticked… and I think the reason why a realist-borderline-cynic like myself cares, is because of God. Question? What kind of person who is actively pursuing a relationship with God would allow people to smear God’s masterpiece? A Liberal…. oh wait, If’ they’re letting this go on, they can’t be having a relationship with God. NO christian in their right mind would allow God to go through the pain of his handiwork being crushed.

3)seperation of church and state. This is the one that gets me the most. I’m a hardcore christian. as readers of my blog you can testify to this. I CAN’T relate anything in my life without pulling God into it SOMEHOW. GOD is usually the deciding factor in my decisions. I’m not bragging, I’m stating a fact. As a christian, my values are a reflection of my religion. That goes for every radical out there. Their values are a reflection of what they believe. I believe in God, so my values are a reflection of God. Yes, Liberals value equality and compassion, and peace… but they don’t put them in the right context. 

Personally, I want my politicians to take the church into the state. I want their christian values in washington. Because a christian without their christian values is just an empty suit that votes “present” on every issue. 

My nation was built on christian values. Read bigrafies on the founding fathers. They were all christians…. with the exception of Thomas Jefferson, who believed in God, but twisted the bible to say what he wanted it to say.(that’s a different story for a different time). Through these christian values, America became the greatest nation in the world. 

Now, tying Liberalism and Catholocism together. In the 1700′s a wolf in sheep’s clothing(the pope) came under the guise of christianity and acted on values that weren’t stemming from the values the church was founded upon. Enter Martin Luther (XD). He was a radical christian that stood for radical christian values. Today Liberal Barack Obama, under the guise of christianity, is defying the values that America was founded on. let’s examine these two instances…

It is the mark of a mad man to try the same experiment twice and expect different results. You’re MAD to think that false christianity is going to work again. They tried it in Luther’s day. That “crazy racist radical conservative REDNECK” overthrew the whole system with his christian values. 

To speak bluntly, the conservative christians of America are getting fed up with Barack Obama parading around as a “christian” and not having the values of a christian. Not only is he giving us christians a bad name, he’s trashing our country while he’s at it. To quote a mud slinging ad put out there by the democrat party “that’s not leadership you can trust”. saying one thing and having values that don’t match it is a form of LYING!!!! have I ever ranted on how much I hate liars? I HATE liars! Kind of Ironic that I would hate the one thing that I’m really good at… again, another story for another day.

Now, for all you Christian liberals out there. SCREW YOU! I don’t know what God you’re following, but it sure as heck ain’t the same one as mine!!!!

Now, on to more pleasant things for you to read… less pleasant things for me to write about. I’m currently going through a really… rough time. I have a miriad of emotions flying around in me right now… I put it all into my journal, I think I’ll just write that out for you to understand what I’m going through.

April 22 11:15 pm

I’m going to try to put how I feel in as few words as possible.

Pain: because my past was really hard.

Worry: Because it’ll never go away… and it’s lethal.

Regret: becasue one choice changed my life forever.

Envy: becasue everyone else is having a semingly happy life, but here I am living in hell.

Jealousy: because of the life that I could be leading without the issue.

Fear: becasue I don’t want it to come back, but it always does.

Anger: at myself and others for not stopping it sooner.

Unclean: becasue my innocence is gone. not sexual innocence, but the kind that blocks you from all the evil in the world. I feel like spoiled goods.. like no good christian man[with christian values] in their right mind would ever want me becasue I’m icky! I’m dirty, I’m rotten, I’m used goods! I’m not pure, I’m not godly! 

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to hang out with other christians. Becasue 1) they look down on me because I’m dirty[becasue of my past] 2) they’re all naiive[meaning they haven't lost the shield against evil like I have] and don’t understand how the big bad world works.

It all comes down to pain of loss…..

[to copy my favorite manga author] I’m so grateful. For all my family who are behind me 100%. For Anna, who tells me there’s hope. For Josh, who listens. FOr John, who doesn’t know what to say to me, but is always willing to help me find hope, and lends me his muscles. For Tim, who tells me that I can be free and that I don’t have to think on the past with sorrow becasue I”m not a slave any more. And thanks to the rest of the fam for pretending nothing happened and giving me a touch of normalcy. I love them….

End Journal

Yeah… I’m going through a hard time. And it’s all kind of been triggored by a certain friend of mine that I haven’t quite forgiven entirely yet… prolly because he doesn’t realize how big an effect this is having on my psyche. 

Just so you know, I may be a teenage girl that thinks about things that normal teenagers don’t think about, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a teenager. I suffer from the same kinds of drama as other teens do… I just don’t make a big deal about it… unless it makes me sob twice in a month… hence the big deal about this recent drama.

Now that I’ve officially reached a rediculously long post that none of you will actually reach the end of…  I shall sign off.

Au Revoir

Pain…. Confusion… Grace

 

Posted in Politics, Religion | 6 Comments

On tolerance

Why don’t people understand the word tolerance? It’s like, I’m walking down the hall and all of the sudden this giant poster that says “tolerance” is all up in my face. What the heck? Who isn’t tolerating here? Last time I checked no one was trying to get other people kicked out of school. last time I checked no one is getting murdered. That sounds like tolerance to me!

All right, here’s the deal. I tolerate lots of stuff…. that biblically I don’t have to tolerate. But it really pisses me off when people get all up in my face and say “You think that what I’m doing is a sin. That offends me. I’m a person like you are. Because of my sin, you should treat me better then everyone else.”

Why should I treat you better then other people because you’re blatantly walking in something that I disagree with. It’s not like you were born with it. I’ll tolerate you like I do a murderer or I liar or any other sinner…. What stops me from killing EVERYONE is the knowlege that I’m just as bad-if not worse- then all ya’lls out there. I”m a sinner just like you. what seperates me from a gay guy, is the fact that I’m forgiven, and I’m trying to live like Jesus… and yes, I know that I suck at it, but at least I’m trying. Tolerence means I don’t kill you. acceptance means I put aside my values and put your values ahead of my own… sorry, but no. I’d rather die a thousand deaths then give up my values. and I”m not joking. If you feel as strongly against this as I do, then I invite you to track me down and kill me…. or you could just do something about it in a rational way…. like posting on my blog. 

Well, I know this has been relatively short, but I have another idea that I will be posting in another post in about an hour after I fully formulate the idea and put it down in words. patience, my dear watsonburger.

Posted in Politics | Leave a comment

On Iraq, My Birthday, and Ketchup

On Iraq

I have always prided myself in my ability to understand abstract ideas… to pick apart logic and find a solution. One thing I will never understand is the liberal mind. It’s too twisted… It’s convoluted. I have this burning question in my mind that I will prolly never have answered… “Do they even think about things before they spew politics, or do they just adopt any idiotic idea that flies their way?”

I am currently rather frustrated by an anti-war bumper sticker that I saw. It said “Iraq is costing US an arm and a leg”… First of all, they used horrible grammar, false causation and it’s a falacy… it should read “The war on terrorism is costing the US a lot of money”Yes, we all know that the term “Arm and a leg” Is cute, and we do all understand the meaning but, don’t you think that’s in bad taste? “Iraq” a.k.a. the war on terrorism has costed the US a lot more than an arm and a leg. It’s costed us families, it’s costed us lives, it’s costed us brothers and fathers and sons, and husbands and best friends… What do you tell a weaping wife and mother? “Yeah, we lost an arm and a leg.”… That’s not funny… that’s not NICE… that’s just down right in bad taste… What they meant is that it’s cost us a lot of time, effort, money, and lives… Even that is flawed. Comparitively this war has had very little cost. Stick the stats of the war on terror up to the stats of WWII and this war looks like an afternoon picnic. And speaking of pointless wars, The war on terror has more point then the first world war did. Frankly, the US didn’t have to get into the first world war. It wasn’t really our business. We were just floating along like good Americans. The war on terror? September 11 2001. Terrorists made it our business when they knocked down our towers and killed our innocent civillians. The war on terror has two purposes. 1) protect innocent people in Iraq from the tyrany of their terrorist leaders and 2) prevent terrorism from spreading to our beloved America. it’s our business… Innocent people are dying. It has to stop. “But Grace! People are dying from the war!” Yes, people are dying from the war. But have you ever heard the song “cruel to be kind”? The answer to that is simply, in order to preserve innocent life, we must sacrifice the guilty… and there will also be sacrifices in the military, but you know what, the agreed to it. They didn’t go onto the battlefield and not understand that there is a chance that they might lay down their life for their country. They weighed the risk, and they are willing to pay the price for freedom. yes, there will be people killed. but the number of people killed in the war is miniscule compared to how many people would be killed under the tyrany that we’re fighting to iradicate. Up until this point I have been enlightening you. What I am REALLY mad about is the fact that, if Obama pulls out before the war is over, then we will lose all ground we have gained during these years at war. Every man who died on the battlefield will have died for NOTHING! Absolutely nothing. Nada! Zip! Zilch! Zero! Their life would be worth nothing more then the average person that dies! They don’t gain anything for themselves, their country, their family by dying for a cause that is lost. They gain a brick in a memorial, a folded flag, and a place to rest eternally. Their family gains a lot of heartache and maybe a handout from the government, that is, if the government is still in place. This is all IF they died in vain. If we succeed(Which, if we stay in Iraq, we will.), then their life will have meant something. They can say they died so that the iraqi people, the american people, and countless others can live free from terrorism. That, my friend, is something worth dying for. That is something worth giving up a loved one for. 

These Liberals, they say we have to pull out of Iraq because of all the lives lost… That’s completely backwards. We have to stay in because of the lives lost. We have to finish the story and give it a happy ending. We have to give the people that died a reason to have died. We have to give them honor in death. 

To all you veterans, servicemen and women, to all you families of those who have suffered losses, to all you who have given of yourselves for the fight against terror, and most importantly all who have died for the cause, I salute you. Thanks for your sacrifice. I pray most fervently to the only true God that it hasn’t been in vain.

On My Birthday:

Thank you all who wished me a happy birthday, who gave a gift, who made a beautiful meal of my favorite BBQ pork and rich chocolate cake with fudge frosting(mom), who sang me songs, who gave me hugs, who took the time to pick out or make cards, who gave love. It means a lot to me. For those of you who know me, you’ll testify to the fact that I don’t do landmarks in time well. I don’t like to be reminded of how old I’m getting, and how slow I’m going. The ratio of time:growth is rather depressing. Let’s just say three years ago I was anorexic… Today I still struggle with it. On every landmark there is an accompanying bad memory/remeniscence. To put it blatantly, I’m a very nostalgic person. I think about my days of innocence with a regretful eye. There are days when I honestly wish I could do it over again. I would do over my twelfth year…. and my thirteenth… last summer… bits and pieces of my single digit years… like the part where my innocence got trashed and my mind became defiled. On the other hand, I’ve grown a lot spiritually. I’ve talked with people, I’ve talked with God, I’ve grown with people, I’ve grown with God… I wouldn’t trade those experiences for all the innocence in the world.

Long story short. I don’t like Birthdays, Christmasses, New Years, Easter(nothing to do with nostalgia, btw), Halloween(I never liked that holiday, I have to watch kids have fun that I never had because of my parents… not blaming you Mom and Dad… I Just don’t like giving selfish children candy), November 16-19. The only one that I like really is Thanksgiving, because it’s not focused on me. It’s focused on all the important people in life. There’s no reason for me to be nostalgic, just gushy about how all you guys have stuck to me like glue through all the storms.

Long story short made even shorter, I don’t like my birthday because it makes me feel old and like I’ve been running in circles and gained nothing at all in the long run.

The moral of the story is, thanks for making my birthday memorable and different from all the other years. Thanks for giving me something positive to look forward to next year.

Honorable mentions: Mom, for making me the yummiest meal made out of pork and chocolate EVER! You’re the best, I love you. Anna, Bekah, Casandra, and Mary, for brainstorming all those cards/gag gifts that made me laugh my head off. You’re all amazing! Claire, for making the cutest homemade birthday card ever that I will cherish always(It has a whirlwind, and a loaf of bread, and a car, and a rainbow, some musical note stickers, and a bunch of letters that she wrote all by herself(they spell “Happy Birthday” “Grace” and “Claire”. That’s pretty impressive for a four year old.) I love you Claire, You will always hold a very special place in my heart. Thanks to the lifegroup that I babysit for, It was sweet to remember me on my birthday and get me the shampoo, conditioner and body wash(They’re my favorite scent). Thanks also for singing the birthday song and some of you also sang a personalized rendition of “Amazing Grace”. That was the perfect finish to a perfect birthday. Last but not least, to all my friends who were in Italy over my birthday, thanks for sending my a facebook message informing me that you were all thinking of me on my birthday.

I’m about to cry. I know that each person contributed a small amount to it, and that most of you didn’t go out of your way much. But it’s all the little things put together that were done subconsciously that make it mean all the more. There aren’t any remains of a shadow of a doubt that I’m loved. Thanks.

On Ketchup:

That’s right, I’m going to talk about that sticky red stuff that you put on hamburgers…. jk.

Basically, I’ve been having a good week. I’ve eaten more than I thought humanly possible. I’ve slept more then a tree sloth. I’ve laughed more then a laughing hyena. I’ve loved more then Barney, and I’ve thanked so many people that I’m about to burst open with gratitude.

Over and Out.

~Grace

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A bit more about me….(One of those random quizzes you ge tover facebook)

A
- Age: 14(three days away from 15!)
- Annoyance: Ignorance
- Animal: ick
B
- Beer: smells bad.
- Birthday: March 22nd, 1994
- Best Friend(s): Jesus :)
- Body Part on opposite sex: eyes
- Best feeling in the world: release of pent up anger.
- Blind or Deaf: blind
- Best weather: overcast
- Been on stage: yup
- Believe in Magic: nope
- Believe in Santa: No
C
- Candy: sour skittles
- Color: black
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese
- Cake or pie: Cake
- Continent to visit: Europe
- Cheese: cheddar

D
- Day or Night: night. always night.
- Dance in the rain: yay!!! I love Dancing in the rain.
E
- Eyes: Blue
- Everyone’s got: A little morbid side just waiting to come out.
- Ever failed a class: No way joswea.

F
- First thoughts waking up: dear god, not again.
- Food: all food!

G
- Greatest Fear: The dark
- Goals: live like jesus
- Gum: makes my teeth hurt
- Get along with your parents?: They is tight… except when they think they’re fashion experts and Girl experts at the same time!!!
- Good luck charm: There is no luck. just talent and God ordained miracles

H
- Hair Color: Brown
- Height: 5’6″
- Happy: Only when I’m around Jesus
- Holiday: I hate holidays
- How do you want to die: Martyred

I
- Ice Cream: cappuccino fudge massacre
- Instrument: Piano

J
- Jewelry: None- the body looks just fine without jewelry.
- Job: Student and steward.

K
- Kids: Love um
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate
- Keep a journal?: yeah.

L
- Love: commonly confused with lust
- Letter: your face. Do I have to say a letter?
- Laughed so hard you cried: Yeah

M
- Milk flavor: Chocolat
- Movies: Iron Man
- Motion sickness?: ….yeah
- McD’s or BK: home cooked

N
- Number: your face

O
- One wish: No more spahn

P
- Perfect Pizza: everything on it.
- Pepsi/Coke: water

Q
- Quail: what the….
R
- Reason to cry: Physical pain
- Reality T.V: junk
- Radio Station: rush limbaugh… because my ignorant democrat student teacher hates him “because he makes me so mad, and he’s an idiot”
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: yeah?
- Ring size: 9 1/4 left hand 8 1/2 right

S
- Song: Lead me to the cross
- Shoe size: 9 1/2
- Salad Dressing: Raspberry vinagarette
- Sushi: gross
- Slept outside: Yup!
- Smoked?: second hand only
- Shower daily?: Yes
- Sing well?: meh
- In the shower?:  yes, definately
- Strawberries/Blueberries: neither

T
- Tattoos?: maybe
- Time for bed: when I feel like it! I DON”T WANT TO GO TO BED!!!!!
- Thunderstorms: A purifying experience where I get to go stare in the face of my maker’s handiwork, and marvel at the fierceness and awesomeness… and wonder how much more amazing the creator is.

U
- Unpredictable: me.

V
- Vacation spot: anywhere but here?

W
- Weakness: I wish I could say none, but it’s not true…there are too many to list here.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Taffanie… Aaron, Michael, Naomi.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Mommy
- Worst feeling: hopelessness
- Wanted to be a model: I used to… and then I realized they were all whores.
- Where do we go when we die?: the judgment seat
- Worst Weather?: Burning hot.

X
- X-Rays: none
- Ex’s: None that I know of.

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: too sunny… too happy…
Z
- Zoo animal: gorilla

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you: Anna
2. You went to the mall with?: Casandra
3. You went to dinner with?: Anna?
4. You talked to on the phone?: Mom
5. Made you laugh?: Ryan Higa
6. Hugged you?: Holly
7. Said they loved you?: Hoface
8. Held your hand?: I don’t remember…. prolly Renni
9. Spoke with? (in person): Joe
10. You cried over?: nostalgia

 

There!

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

What’s been goin’ on.

Well, dare 2 share was last weekend. It was pretty fun…. The drama was… potent. It was about this girl and she was trapped in a room with these two demons who kept on telling her lies about how she’s ugly and worthless and unloved. Needless to say, it hit home. I cried my eyes out…. Well anyway, this girl was so scared of the thing that was knocking on her door. It kept on telling her things like “Your name isn’t Lauroo”. Her friend keeps on calling her and inviting her to come to his youth group with him. He is her relief from the demons that are constantly pestering her… In the end you find out that her name “Lauroo” meant unloved and that God was the one knocking on the door telling her that she was loved. After the demons tell her to kill herslef and they do all this nasty persuading she finally breaks and cries out to God… The closet door opens and Derwin Gray dressed as Jesus walks out. The “moral of the story” Is that our non-believing friends are locked in rooms like the girl and we are the friend calling and giving them relief from all the battery. I came away with a different message…. I came away with a very vivid memory of my own time locked in the not-so-spiritual realm…. and truly free from the very bad week I’d been having..

About the bad week. Lets just say I broke down on my mom sobbing about how I was scaring myself because I kept on thinking I was fat… and How I felt like such a problem child because I was having such issues with it…. The drama was kind of a “be gone” moment when God came into my heart and forced every reamnant of Anorexia out of my life…. and kind of gave me assurance that I don’t have to be scared of the boogie monsters in my past because God had already defeated them.

That’s what’s been going on lately.

Posted in Girl-ness, Random Anecdotes | 1 Comment