What’s on my mind

Posted on August 26, 2009 by Gracie

August 26th 12:01 AM

The problem with not believing in Love is that it demeans God. God is love. If you don’t believe in Love, you don’t believe in God. It’s rather simple. No wonder I was struggling with my faith when I went through the whole “I don’t believe in Love” Phase… when I was questioning Love, I was also questioning God’s presence inside of me. It got to the point that I couldn’t act in Christ because I didn’t believe in the root of Christ’s actions. My actions and attitudes were wrong, and for that, I owe a lot of apologies to a lot of people. How hypocritical I’ve been by preaching something I don’t even believe in myself.

This leads to another question; If you call yourself a christian, but don’t turn your life over to him, are you truly saved? My inclination is no. It says in Revelation 3:16 that because the church in Laodicea was neither hot or cold, they would be spit out. I believe that if a person believes with all their heart, soul, and mind that Jesus is Lord, they’ll turn over their life to him without the slightest hesitation. In America today there are a lot of people that believe in their head, but not in their heart. It kind of pisses me off…. How many posers there are out there. Goth’s don’t like poser Goth’s…. Emo’s don’t like poser Emo’s…. Preppy’s don’t like poser preppys(Haha, the posers don’t like poser posers!) I don’t like poser christians. It’s hard to take someone seriously when they’re merely a shell of a christian on the outside, and concentrated evil on the inside just like every other heathen out there. Seriously. and If I, a fellow christian, can’t take them seriously, then non-christians fo sho can’t take them seriously. It sickens me. The Church in America needs Revival.

Help me?

Posted in Girl-ness, Relationship | 4 Comments

First day of Sophomore year

Posted on August 20, 2009 by Gracie

well, I’m finished with my second first day of high school… It was fun. I liked seeing all the people that I haven’t talked to in a while. We’ve all kind of grown up a little bit…. at least, most of us have :P

I have just realized today how retarded I must’ve looked last year as a freshman. wondering around… not knowing where the heck you are…. scared to be friends with people. I’m one of the two girls ion wood-shop…. what is it with me and picking first period classes that are predominantly guys? sighs* woe is me. ah well. It should be fun to see how long it takes for the other girl in the class to work up the courage to talk to me. lol!

My English classes are going to be intense this year! I already have a huge reading assignment in Shakespeare drama. I’m happy though, cuz a lot of my friends are in English classes with me.

The school food sucks this year. I’m going to be primarily taking my own lunches *crosses fingers* and the cafeteria is a NIGHTMARE to navigate. They redid the cafeteria, so now no one knows where anything is! nice job!

It’s going to be a very long… hard…. boring… ness in jazz band this first quarter if they don’t get my piano up the stairs. they’re working on it, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. sighs. and it’s sweltering hot! Jazz band is up on the balcony thing above the locker rooms…. and the curtain is drawn so that the gym can’t look at us, so there’s no air movement…. it’s so hot!!!

The only classes that I’m apprehensive about are Shakespeare drama and that’s about it…. hmmm…. I’m so glad all my teachers are normal…. except gaely… he’s kind of a fag… oh well, at least he’s the cute kind of fag and not the really flamboyant, I want to kill you, fag.

oh joy!

Posted in Random Anecdotes | 1 Comment

The lowering of our standard.

Posted on August 17, 2009 by Gracie

I am more then slightly sickened by all of the…. filth that has infiltrated our daily lives. why is it that we can’t watch the TV without having sex shoved down our throats. I”m particularly distressed by one Miley Cyrus. She has been quoted as saying “I love Jesus more then anything”(rough quotation), and yet she does a pole dance for the teen choice awards. It befuddles me to think that someone could profess Christ and worship the devil in the same breath. Then again, the majority of christians in the US today are not fazed by Miley’s behaviour. Most of the christians in America are condoning, if not behaving the same way as Miley. It sickens me.

I think that I know the cause of this horrid degrading of morals in christians. We are being defiled and decensitized by everything that the media throws at us. remember that verse “to the pure all things are pure…” yeah it goes on to say something about the defiled having something twisted about them. I’ve always sucked at memorizing skipture. anywhoo… my point is that we’re so used to seeing sex, that when something horrendously abhorent to God comes up, we just grin and blow it off…. and when we’re thrust into a position where we can participate in such evil, we join in. because it’s “not that bad”.

I believe we, as christians, have, instead of forcing our environment to change, compromised to match the environment. it’s gotta stopp… I challenge you to change the world…. by not being of the world.

We should be called to God’s standard, and not the world’s. when you walk into a room full of peers, the first thing they think should be “boom! A man/woman of God just entered the room!”

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given up

Posted on August 17, 2009 by Gracie

I’ve given up fighting politics. This doesn’t mean I’ve stopped ranting, I’ve just stopped fighting… basically this means that if a ignorant teenager just wants to get a good fight out of me, I’m not going to take the bait. I only talk educational and frustrated politics.

aiight, that’s my only post for today…. I’ll have a new post for school on thursday. keep ur finners crossed!

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Another(direction-less) rant

Posted on August 7, 2009 by Gracie

so yeah, I was talkin’ with my big sister(of menterz.com/bekahcubed) and she was telling me about this lobbyest that she had to listen to rant about tea partiers… she said that he was trying to get money fast. fast money comes from the government. the people standing between him and fast money from the government was teapartiers…. tea partys-evil… in this guys mind, that is.

I have numerous problems with this. 1 being that how does this guy know that tea partiers are evil and he’s the one that’s good??? Maybe he’s the one that’s standing in the way of a good thing! 2… how do you honestly believe that? OH! The police officer is standing in the way of me and getting what I want(money from that old ladies purse) so I”m just going to rag on the police officer and slander him and call him names and call him an “angry mob” until someone comes along and feels sorry for me and steals all the first amendment rights from the police officer so that my selfish desires can be satisfied. Ladies and Gentle-germs, I feel like an oppressed police officer.

with all the buzz about “healthcare reform” I’ve been kindly sitting back and NOT throwing in my two cents for a few reasons. one, I’m not a healthcare officianado, and don’t feel like it’s my place to talk about something that I know so little about. and 2, I feel kind of threatened by the government. If I were to type up every bit of my miniscule knowlege about obamacare, nothing would stop someone from reading what I post and say “That’s fishy” and report me to the whitehouse.  frankly, my freedom of speech is being threatened. It’s being threatened by a bunch of liberals with one track minds that can’t seem to wrap their minds around a very simple concept… SOMETIMES THE WORLD DOESN”T REVOLVE AROUND YOU!!!!!!!!!! you want money? Well, me too! You want to be happy? ME TOO! You want to say whatever you want whenever you want? Me too! You want to think what you want to think? Me to. The only difference between a liberal and a conservative (apart from stands on issues) is that Conservatives see politics as a neccisary evil, and liberals see it as a kindergarten fight. I say something a liberal doesn’t like and BOOM it’s “TEACHER!!!! Grace is saying nasty things about me!” and  if the teacher is liberal, I get my rights taken away… but if the teacher is a conservative, they say “tough, suck it up and be a man, you big baby!”

I was reading some crap today about this politician in Florida who is avoiding town hall meetings because of all the conservatives that are coming and asking tough questions… well, frankly, if you don’t have the balls to face your own people, why the heck are you representing them politically??? honestly, how did you even get elected? wait, I know! It’s all those crack-pot liberals that only think about politics once a year! It’s those people that just want to get money from the government! All those selfish people that want what is advantageous to THEM and not the good of everyone. you know what! If I were heartless, I would be a liberal too!

Another thing that really pisses me off is that liberals like to say they’re “more caring for the people”… who are you kidding?? The only people that get cared for are the poor people that are sitting at home watching tv instead of getting a job! The middle class is getting their income sucked dry by increased taxation, and the upper class is getting all of their money sucked away to the point where their children are going to start from nothing(not that big of a deal, really) because by the end of their life all their savings is gone. the liberal’s plan for “caring for the people” is only  actually helping the welfare recipients. due to inflation, the working poor and the middle class gets screwed over, and the rich people… well… they get their stuff taxed to kingdom come too.

frankly, I like the idea of every man for themself and no entitlement. (warning, I’m about to go off on a christian conservative rant). I like the idea of “whoever does not work, neither shall he eat!”. If you can’t get off your bum and earn a little bit of dough so you can go and buy a case of top ramen, then you don’t deserve to eat. you deserve what you’ve made of your life. and if I’ve worked my way up the corporate ladder and I’m now earning upper six figures… well, I’ve built that success on a foundation made of sweat, blood, pain, and determination. I didn’t just vreeze my way to the top.

sidenote: all you quitters of detasseling… FAIL! If you can’t last through a little bit of pain and exhaustion to get a nice chunk of cash and a crap ton of networking… how are you gonna get anywhere with the job that you have? you learn a lot of good working skills while detasseling. You learn to work with other people, you learn to follow instructions by the letter, you learn to cope with a long day and exhaustion without complaining, you learn how to work a long day, you learn how to work your way to the top(if you actually care, that is), you learn to lead a small group. I have learned so many things while detasseling about how the real world works, it’s not even funny.

and just so you know, I feel kind of hypocritical for writing this. I’ve slammed liberals a lot in the past who-knows-how-long… and it’s something that I hate it when they do it to me… but frankly, I’m sick and tired of being manipulated by the nincompoops in the whitehouse, and I’m sick of all the people out there who are calling me names and telling me that what I say doesn’t matter because it doesn’t agree with what they’re saying. it’s really starting to piss me off. I get very… irrational when I’m pissed off…. but then again, I’m more rational when I’m “Irrational” then Liberals are when they’re “rational”.

I am just waiting for the breaking point where a bunch of people snap and get off their pacifist butts(I am one of those people) and starts to do something about all the injustice that’s happening.

Here’s for all of us who still believe in the constitution. Cheers!

1101 words from the teenage mind.

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment

Intermission ’09

Posted on August 6, 2009 by Gracie

Well, here it is. The long awaited summary of my Youth Group’s summer trip. Don’t get too excited people! This is simply life changing material!

Lol, well, where to start…. the beginning I guess!

Day 1:

We all piled into the van at 9:00 am. The trip up was full of laughter and frolicking. I can’t say there was anything of substance that was said or done… No one was mad at anyone else, so that was good. about halfway through the trip I started writing poetry on command… and then it started to rain really hard. It was good for me to see the rain because it kind of gave a premonition that God was going to be in the week. You see, God and I have this thing with rain. Whenever it rains outside, it’s like God and I have come to an agreement.. a stalemate almost. Like we’re going to both lay down everything we’ve got and then we’re just gonna chill like old friends. I love the rain. It’s purifying… cleansing… Anyway, we got to the hotel and settled in. We got an eyefull of the hideously green pool before we all went our seperate ways to relax before we ate and went to the conference. Joanna and I chilled on Jo’s bed while watching(or watching/snoozeing through) the fantastic four 2. We went to chik-fil-a and then went to the first session of CRAVE: experience the fullness!!… btw’s chik-fil-A is really good, and we should totally get one where I live! We started the night off with some prayer, which was a real eye-opener, because it was people my age worshipping God and praising him through prayer in the DORKIEST ways imaginable! They all looked like total freaks… and that’s what really allowed me to enter in… their freakishness. The worship was incredible, and by the time the speaker came up to speak, I was in a state of *almost* total surrender. See the thing is, I’d been having a bad attitude about a few things not going my way. There’s something about having to share a bed with a giant that gives you that… bad attitude thing…. yeah. well, that night the speaker(Bill Kirkpatrick) talked about not settling while you’re on your way to God’s chosen place for you. This is really kind of convicting to me, because I’ve been settling this past year. With school and everything, I haven’t been actively pursuing God with all I have, I’ve been kind of pursuoing God with only the pieces that I think belong to him. needless to say, I prayed about this that night and prayed for God’s will to be done in my life. That night we crashed in the hotel…. I slept with a giant… it was… fun? JK, I love Hannah, even though her legs are twice as long as mine.

Day 2:

Morning of day 2 we went to the conference and listened to David Sliker of IHOP talk about how he has the awesomest job ever. Basically he dwells in the presence of God all day… who doesn’t want to do that???? I would love that job! his main point was that you can’t ask for boring things and have a boring attitude and be boring about your faith and expect God to be exciting. you have to get excited about what God is doing in your life for God himself to be exciting. It sounds kind of convoluted the way I say it, but he made it sound really non-confusing… ah, the difference between him and me, I guess. anyway, after he talked I was challenged to ask God for exciting things and to take my realtionship with God to a new level by praying for specific things and not general things. After the morning session we went to steak n’ shake where we promptly stayed too long and were late for the afternoon session…(I don’t know how I feel about this). so, in the end, we had a bunch of down time before we went to supper. I got to play some killer water football! I think that the old lady who was watching us play was rather impressed by my skill at the beautiful game. That evening(after eating some delicious Kansas City BBQ at Zarda’s) we went to another before service prayer. This time I had specific things to pray for. That night I had a sort of release happen in my soul and I realized that giving God my all that week required letting him control my attitude toward select things that I’d been struggling with. Worship was, again, amazing. The whole theme of the evening was praising God with everything(See “With Everything” by Hillsong). The speaker that night kind of reminded me of the finale guy from two years ago.. two years ago it was this fat black guy with a booming voice named Reggie Dabbs. That year I got rid of anorexia. This year it was a skinny black guy with a booming voice named Chris Hill. when he got on the stage I began to prepare myself for something awesome. There’s just something prophetic about black guys with booming voices…. it just makes me feel like something awesome is about to happen(my guess is that the anointing of God has a lot more to do with this then the black and booming voice parts). To start us off Chris prayed. “God, have your way. Amen”. When you listen to big speakers speak you always expect to hear long flowery eloquent prayers that go through every stage of the Lord’s prayer. well, Chris’s explanation was that he didn’t have enough time to waste it on big long empty words. Chris talked about Rachel and Leah. He talked about the whole love triangle and how Leah was the one that was ignored and unloved. About how she named her first three son’s “to be seen” “to be heard” and “to be attached” because Leah kept thinking to herself “NOW! I have born my husband sons, may be now he will see me, hear me, and be attached to me.” But when she had a fourth son her focus shifted off of herself and her husband, and on to worshiping God. Judah… Praise. at this point Chris had an altar call and had all the peeps that were dedicating or rededicating their lives to God come forward. he prayed over them and everything… and as they were going back to their seats, he called out to one of the girls that had rededicated her life and had her come onto the stage. He prayed over her right there on the stage while everyone else(at his request) prayed in their prayer languages and stuff… he had maybe three people come up and he prayed for them… and then he asked for all the people who had been hurting and who the devil had been holding back to come to the front for prayer. Being the honest person that I am, I went forward along with another girl from my group. we were standing near the stage crying and praying and worshipping God while Chris prayed the holy spirit over people when, out of the blu, Chris asks me and my companion to come onto the stage. we went up there and he prayed. When he prayed over me, he prayed for a few very specific things that… well… one of the things was rather common knowlege to everyone. one was something I had known, but not neccisarily everyone… and then he said something that confused even me until I thought about it. He said that I’d been hurt as a young child and because of that hurt, I changed my personality… and because of that, someday in the future I would become someone that none of my friends knew because I would become who I truly am. Looking back I know exactly what he was referring to… I had forgotten completely about it until he prophesied that I would undo what I had done so many years ago… anywho, after he finished praying for me I sat down on the stage and was praying for the people surrounding me. My mind kept on returning to this one person in my Youth Group. Heart heavy, I went back to my seat, tapped that person on the shoulder, led them to the aisle and began to pray/shout/sob over him. A few of the others joined me after a few minutes and before long everyone was crying… if you knew the person I was praying over, you would know how weird that is. The guy I was praying over is way hard core manly macho man… he doesn’t cry… anyway, exhausted, we all went back to the hotel and crashed(when it was all over, that is)…

day 3:

to start the day off, we went to a session by the Youth pastor of the host church(David Blackford). He talked about how you have to believe in God’s power, or else we’re pretty pathetic… and we have to embrace that power as our own through the holy spirit. pretty awesome stuff! we prayed and all that and then we ate lunch and watched the most boring dodgeball tournament EVER!!! while Jeremy went to the leadership meeting. after eating some yummy food, we went back to the church for the evening session. The speaker for this night(Joel Stockstill) preached on how everyone has a “prophetic destiny” which is just a big word for saying God’s will for your life. I don’t really remember much of what he said, but I do remember that he prayed for a bunch of peeps afterward, and while he was doing that, I was unlocking my prayer lanuage by earnestly seeking God, and experiencing a little bit of that “total surrender” that I’m so obsessed with. I lost track of time. I prayed for anything, everything, anyone, and everyone that popped into my head… and I prayed in my prayer language…. a lot… Jeremy prayed for everyone in the group, We prayed for eachother…. it was such a great bonding time with God and with eachother…. “bonding time” sounds way too tame for what it was…. it was more like a head on collision…. at any rate, it was the difference between life and death in my mind. once everyone was sufficiently cryed out, we went to powerplay(family fun center on steroids!!!) and I shot a lot of things in arcade games. It was fun. Lots of blood and gore. just down my alley. needless to say, we were all emotionally and physically spent by the time we finally crashed at 3 AM.

day 4:

we stopped at a mall for the afternoon/morning. I didn’t have much fun until one of the kids from our youth group got his shoe stuc in the escalator and the mall cop called Jeremy and made it sound like he had a bunch of us in custody for shoplifting. (LOL!!!!!) …. and then we drove from KC to Mound City KS, and got settled in a SHALOM. shalom is just that, very peacefull. I was in awe of the whole environmental feel of the place. albeit, the bathrooms were disgusting and there were a lot of wasps, but I still loved it there. that night we shared what we had learned at the conference…. after that one of the seniors shared her personal history, and since it’s similar to mine, I also shared mine. After me another of the younger girls shared her story, and we were all crying and stuff…. We got prayed over, and my Big Brother cried while praying. talk about CUTE and HEART-WRENCHING!!!! how would you feel if your macho big brother that you’ve looked up to your entire life started crying while praying for you. This was Tim, btw. God’s love is so powerful, that it can bring a proud macho man to tears.

day 5:

 the day of work! work work work work. that’s all we did until about 4 in the afternoon. I liked it, but there were some complainers and slackers…. I don’t like that. that evening Jeremy preached on ‘You’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore.” basically he told us to give it all. to not let a little bit of poop into our brownies. to sacrifice the good things in out lives to make way for the *best things. He made us all write a list of things we would get rid of. My list was rather extensive. who knew I’d let so much crap into my life???

Day 6:

day of relaxation and games. I’m not going to lie, I was in a pretty foul mood for most of the day…. but it all worked out before the whole day was ruined. by 3:30 I was splashing in the lake with my friends. That night we got to talk with the cutest old couple ever about mission work. They are 94 years old and still kicking! Can you believe it! And the lady has the same name as me! :D Grace. I hope I’m that perky when I’m mid-90s…

day 7:

home james. I got home and broke my secular cds, erased all the stolen and secular music off my zen, modified all of my clothes so that they’re modest, took down a twilight poster on my wall that had a very… inappropriate inside joke/quotation on it, deleted all my bookmarks on my internet browser, deleted all my secular favorites on youtube…. and I did a lot of stuff to my attitude. my time will be spent more effectively…. and that night, I was told by God that I needed to quit marching band. Tyhe secular culture is full of too many temptations and opportunities to compromise. it’s too much for my faith to go through without suffering a hit. don’t get me wrong, I love Band, but I love God more. Total surrender is worth every scrap of pain and suffering.

2340 words from the teenage mind on how amazing God is, and all that he’s done in my life the past week.

Posted in Random Anecdotes, Relationship, Religion | 4 Comments

home

Posted on August 3, 2009 by Gracie

I”m home from my youth trip! I’m going to blog all about it when I find a few hours of free time(yes, it will take hours). Needless to say, a lot happened and I can’t wait to blog all about it!

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Top Reason for De-tasseling

Posted on July 24, 2009 by Gracie

So…. this morning I woke up as usual at 4:45 and the first thing that popped into my head was “Why do I do this to myself?” Grumpily I got out of bed and onto the bus… About 45 minutes into the ride I found my top reason.

Rural Nebraska at sunrise. I”m not one for sunrises, but that’s probably because I live in the city. Out there, there is nothing between you and the sky. the sky stretches out before you. It’s the color of the ocean. no clouds, just streaks of orange and purple. The sun is a red ball that is rising out of a grove of distant trees. The trees are Dark blue along with everything else on the horizon, because of fog and distance. The ground is covered in everything and anything green. in valleys and depressions there is swirling white fog. there’s a foot of clarity just above the ground and then thick white fog. The sky is so big. The colors are all sharp and blend well together. And then there’s a small pond with fog over it. gorgeous

God is awesome.

it took waking up at 4:45 AM and riding out to the middle of nowhere for me to fully understand this.

Posted in Random Anecdotes, Relationship | 5 Comments

confuzzled

Posted on July 20, 2009 by Gracie

AAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m so confused! I’m remembering punching a fat guy… but I would never do that! but I think I did…. But I don’t think I would do that! But I distinctly remember the feel of the fat guy on my fist…. but I am not the type to randomly punch fat guys!!! maybe he wasn’t random? maybe I knew the fat guy! AKKKKK!!!!! why would I punch a fat guy? It’s not like fat guys piss me off more then skinny guys! I’m so confused! If I punched a fat guy, then I should probably find him and apologize… but I don’t think I punched him… but if I did, and it’s some guy that I know, maybe he’s been holding a grudge against me and I’ve been missing it! maybe he thinks I’m satan’s mistress because I punched him, but I didn’t really punch him and I’m not satan’s mistress! What if he’s been telling people that I hate fat guys! What if he’s not really fat, he’s just chubby and that’s why I can’t find out who he is right off the top of my head because he’s not fat! What if I didn’t actually punch a fat guy! AAAAAAKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I can’t do anything! I can’t go to bed because I’m so confused! I’ll just keep thinking about the fat guy I did or didn’t punch! What if it was one of my detasseling buddies from last year! What if he tells the bus assistant that I’m a racist against fat people and I get fired! what if fat people all over are now Grace-haters because I punched a fat guy and didn’t even remember it fully! AAAKKK!!!!!

HOLY COW!!!!!! what if I punched a fat guy!!!!!! I’m laughing and crying at the same time! I’m so confused I can’t even get my emotions straight!!!! I feel terrible for punching a fat guy, but it’s so funny!!!! cuz I punched a fat guy! And I liked it! AAAAAAKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!what if it’s all a bad dream?!?!?! AAAAKKKK

I’m so confuzzled…. I’m gonna try to go to bed now…. maybe….

Confuzzed Grace

Posted in Girl-ness | 2 Comments

random musation

Posted on July 19, 2009 by Gracie

I have a lot of random stuff on my mind right now….

I find myself rather content right now… surprisingly. I haven’t been caught by the lonely blues in a while, my family rocks, my friends rock, I’m busy, I’ve been in the word, I”m doin’ fine.

that’s all I really have to say…

God’s grace is sufficient

Posted in Girl-ness, Relationship | 1 Comment