So, yeah, other then getting a new site for this fabulous blog, I’ve had a lot of other things going on. School, Church, Family, Friends, Piano, Facebook, God, Change, Books, Growing up, Stress. Not neccisarily in that order(for all you people who will complain about Facebook being in front of God).
So, to be honest, God is the only stationary thing in my life right now. I feel like I”m standing in the middle of a merry-go-round and the only thing that’s keeping me from tossing my cookies is keeping my eye on the vast, immovable sky. yeah, I know, bad analogy, but somebody has to do it.
So, School is pretty hectic. I’ve been getting abck into the swing of classes. I’ve already failed a quiz. I’ve already been late to class twice as many times as last year. I’ve almost missed as many classes as last year(ALREADY). I’m going to go to the counselor for the THIRD TIME to get my schedule changed because SOMEBODY screwed it up. Jk, I love Ms. Dress, I’m just frustrated that it keeps screwing up on me. The only thing that’s been going for me is the fact that I haven’t done anything that I regret….. yet. I can say that I’ve represented Christ without having a guilty conscience. That’s a good thing. That keeps me moving every day.
Church has been very good. Although it still adds to the stress…. It’s worthy stress though. I’ve started to have a passion for getting my friends to come to Youth Group with me. I’ve been really intense about following Christ and not leading people who are counting on me for some sort of direction astray. I’ve accepted the role, but I’m not so sure I’m the best person for the job. The SALT team has really been raising the bar(something that I pushed for last year) and it’s been fun to see who all shows up now. I’m gonna start leading the worship and all that, so I’ve had increasing responsibility. Again, I’m not saying I don’t like it, I just don’t know if I’m ready. I guess what I’ve been leaning on is that God never gives me more then I can handle. If he thinks that I can carry all this responsibility, then I guess I can.
Family…. Well, My sister got a job out of town, and so she’s going to be moving away. That’s a very big stresser for me. Just because it’s like on of my best friends moving away. That’s depressing. I cried for like….. two hours last time a best friend moved away. I’ve kind of been preparing for this, so I’m not surprised, but tht doesn’t make it hurt any less. My Dad and I are getting along better now. I’m really thankful for that. I didn’t like being at odds with him. Because let’s face it, God told us to honor our mother and father so we can live long and prosper…. now, I know the living long part is kinda out of the question, but I would love to prosper.
Is it just me, or are every single one of my friends fighting with eachother???? It’s like the lunch table is a battle zone. And the cheese throwing isn’t in jest! Maybe I’m reading stuff into stuff, but it seems to me like everyone is disappointing everyone and it’s pissing everyone off so everyone has to shoot dirty glares at everyone. *SIGHS*!!!!!! I try not to get caught up in it, but frankly, it’s hard. Sometimes girls just get mad at girls. It’s dirty, it’s not fair, it’s “life”. Good thing I’ve got God. I don’t have to follow the world’s idea of “Life”
Piano. I’m playing these two insanely hard songs for the winter recital(FOUR MONTHS AWAY!) that I’m not that far on(And I already have to be memorizing). And I have to get my students ready for it. I’m prolly not going to start them on their songs until the middle of next month. They’re pretty spectacular kids. I can’t wait to see where God takes their lives. I’m also doing Jazz band this year. I’ve kinda been stressing about that because 1) I’m not an expert at doing intricate rhythm, but I all of the sudden have to do them while sight-reading. 2) I’m being bossed around by a guitarist that has huge hands and doesn’t really know how to play the piano(that means he’s telling me to reach things that are impossible and telling me to play when I’m not supposed to). 3) I have to teach this asian chick who doesn’t understand english very well how to chord and comp and all that delicious stuff. yum. and to top it off, Thorpe doesn’t let me out early enough to put away the piano and make it all the way to Jarnagin’s class. great.
Facebook…. grrr, facebook relationships are stressful, let’s just leave it at that. I would much rather know a person in person. facebook friends that I haven’t seen in a while, we need to hang out sometime!
God…. well, this whole post is inadvertently about God. To put this blandly, the reason why I’m so stressed about all this stuff is because I haven’t been relying on God for all this stuff. It’s time for me to be still and know that he is God, and I am a mere puppet in his hands.
Change….. change is change. My body is changing. A bunch of my relationships are changing. My family is changing. my role in this world is changing. the way people look at me is changing. the way I look at peple is changing. The way God and I interact is changing. The way I feel about little things is changing. My relationship with the school nurse is changing. My relationship with my counselor is changing. Seasons come, seasons go, it’s all just a lump of change. I am SO ready to graduate to dollar bills.
Books books books. I haven’t had time for them. I’ve been re-reading the den of shaows series. I’m thinking I”m going to actually read the first book. it’s actually about vampire, and that vampire is one that shows up in passin in the second book(my favorite one!) so I’m going to have to read it now…. even if it sucks because it was written by a thirteen year old female that hadn’t hit puberty yet…. don’t ask me why the puberty part matters.
Growing up…. well, priorities change. Mine are. I can admit that last year I cared about the academic letter I fought to the death to get, but now I erally don’t care. Yeah, it looks good on a reume, but God didn’t call me to pad my resume, he called me to be a wittness to my friends. That means I get good grades, but I don’t bust my butt off for them. I’ve realised a lot lately…. just about God and my place in the whole spectrum of life. I’ve realised that I can’t do this on my own. I’ve realised that God put other christians in my life for a reason. I’ve realised that I can go to other christians with my problems without them judging me. I’ve realised that I can sharfe my views on things without people thining I’m a dork. I’ve realised that even if people think I’m a dork, it’s just because they don’t want to admit I’m right. I’ve realised that I’m not always right. I’ve realised that God loves me more then anything, and I feel the same way about him. I’ve realised that I’m extremely blessed to have a family that’s together and close like mine. I’m lucky to have friends who are willing to stand behind me. I’m lucky to have brothers that will beat up retards for me. I’m lucky to have sisters that are willing to tell me that i’m doing something wrong. I’m lucky to have parents that love me, God, and each other. I’m lucky to have God, who takes all of this beyond luck. I have grown up a lot lately…..
And now that we’ve gone over the stressers, all tell you the result of all that pent up tension. On thursday I broke down in the lunch line. I was walking to my sixth period class, when a good friend of mine who just happens to be a teacher at my school takes one look at my face and says “that bad, eh”. All I could do was nod and start crying on him. needless to say, the rest of the school day was spent spilling my story to the subbing school counselor mrs. snoburger(she’s awesome). My mom came and picked me up. We’re gonna go forward on some stuff. can’t wait(NOT!). And It was all because of hormones and stress combined into a deadly concoction inside of me. oh joy.
so yeah, that’s life recently. After one and a half thousand words, I’m almost caught up on blogging.
1511 from the teenage mind