fail

Posted on March 14, 2011 by Gracie

So I fail. Fail fail fail. Cuz it’s been what, a week? and I haven’t posted. Even though I said I would.

But honestly why would I blog? My life has been super boring lately. The only things of note are that I’m sick(ewwww) and I have a severe case of junioritis(zzzzzzzzzz). Both of those topics are pretty self-explanitory. AKA I’m not going to write a 20 page expos on Junioritis. Sorry kids, you’ll find out what it’s like when you’re older.

But seriously. It’s Monday.

In other news it’s my sister Bekah bekah bekah’s birfday!!!! YAYYYY!!!! So I’m going to paint her a picture. using paint. How BA is that? Pretty hardcore, man.

1. Yes, that is an accurate picture of my sister.
2. Yes, she is that tall.
3. Yes, she does have that long of hair.
4. Yes, her eyebrows do move in that way.
5. Yes, she does wear puffed sleeves.(cuz she’s awesome!!!)
6. Yes, she does wear skirts all the time. (ALL the time!)
7. Yes, that cake is big enough for a heard of elephants to live in.
8. Yes, my sister is an old woman.
9. Yes, the above statement is only true in some circles.
10. Yes, I know that those candles coming out of the side of the cake are an extreme fire hazard. Do I look like a person that would care?

Anyways. Happy Birfday Bekah. Hope it’s a good year!!!!!

P.s. go check out her blog at bekahcubed.menterz.com (She posts more then I do)

Posted in Girl-ness | Leave a comment

I haven’t forgotten you!!!

Posted on March 7, 2011 by Gracie

Hey! I’m in my Chem class right now. I haven’t posted in a while and I just wanted to tell my faithful readers (Bek, Casandra) that I haven’t forgotten about you! New post to come. As soon as I find out a good topic :S

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I’m Holding on to You Alone

Posted on February 21, 2011 by Gracie

This is my prayer through this time in my life. this is my heart’s song.

Posted in For the Love of Music, Relationship | Leave a comment

Only Child

Posted on February 20, 2011 by Gracie

A few days ago my dad asked me if I felt like I was an only child. I can understand this question, this isn’t out of the blue…. After 16 years of sharing my space with at least one sibling, it has now come to the point where it’s all my junk lying around. There are only three places set at the dinner table. I wake up on Sunday morning and I don’t have to drive anyone to church…. On the contrary it’s usually me and Dad driving together. There’s no one to fight with when I get home from school. No waiting in anticipation to see who it is that just walked in the door. No fighting over what movie to watch. No late night walks with my big strong brother to protect me. No spilling my guts and getting the response of “Where is this person so I can beat them up?”.

These are all things I associate with living with my family. Yes, they are mostly about my brothers. But considering my sisters have been moved out for…. 5-7 years…. ummm yah.

No, I don’t feel like an only child. Only children don’t know what it’s like to live life with other people. They don’t know what they’re missing out on. I know.

Since two of my brothers decided to enlist in the United States Marine Corpse last summer I’ve been going through a rather difficult adjusting process. It was a blow when my protector left for boot camp. He’s been gone since October excluding 20 days in January. Now, my best friend is at boot camp. I didn’t think I’d miss Tim. He’s the most reserved of my brothers. he has so many layers to go along with a thick shell that it’s hard to find out who he really is. And in the past few months we’ve grown apart. I don’t know if that was accidental or by design… I can’t help but feel abandoned.

You see the Marines changes people. John went in to boot camp an obnoxious teenager and came out a jovial man. I don’t know how it will change Tim. But I do know that I will never be the innocent little sister. The third member of the three musketeers. When we used to play together I would feel like something delicate and special that should be protected. I still felt that way even as we grew up. And now as I find myself in the house we grew up together in, I’m lonely. I feel abandoned.

No, Dad, I don’t feel like an only child. Only children don’t cry themselves to sleep because they miss their family. Only children don’t expect anything more out of their family lives.

And Mom and Dad don’t treat me like an only child either. The plain and simple is that they’re empty nesting. There are times when I feel like I’m intruding upon their lives. And they wonder why I want to move out once I graduate.

My whole life I’ve been chasing after John and Tim. Wanting to be whatever they wanted to be. Doing whatever they did. Now they’ve gone somewhere I can’t follow and I’m stuck feeling like 1/3 of a person. Surely this isn’t how an only child feels?

Posted in Relationship | Leave a comment

Application to Date

Posted on February 20, 2011 by Gracie

Lol my friend posted this on facebook and it made me laugh.

APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER:

NAME_____________________________________

DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________

WEIGHT____________

IQ__________

GPA_____________

CLASS RANK________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________

DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________

CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If “No”, explain: _____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

__Yes __No

G. A condom?__Yes __No

H. Pornography?__Yes __No

I. Alcohol? __Yes __No

J. Illegal substances? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION

AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother? _____________

Pastor? _____________

Parole Officer? __________

SHORT­ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C. A woman’s place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

(NOTE: if answer F begins with T, B, or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)

G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

H.Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

A: 3

B: 6

C: 9

D: 12

E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know?_____________________________________________________

I. Did your mother nurse you? If so for how long?__________________________

J. What are your intentions in dating my daughter?___________________________________________________

K. Do you feel you have the maturity to be a good husband and father?_________________

L. Are you willing to go through counseling prior to getting married?________________________________

M. If you are dating you will be expected to always be in public places with a chaperone, is this acceptable to you?______________

N. Are you willing to give up foods that are bad for you, dangerous vices you may have as well as to exercise daily and this includes 20-30 years ago so that you don’t end up leaving my daughter either a widow or having to take care of you?__________________

O. When and if you get married and have children are you willing to go through 12 natural childbirth classes and truly train to be her coach during the labor and birth?________________________

P. Are you man enough to deliver your own child?______________

Q. When and if you get married are you willing to learn enough about the female body that the 2 of you will know when she is fertile or not and be abstinate together when she is fertile?________________________

R. Please detail your money management skills._____________________________________

S. Are you willing to work 2 jobs so that she does not have to work full time while raising your children?______________________________________________________

T. Do you know how to cook, clean and do laundry?____________________________

U. Are your parents in love with eachother?__________________________________

If not who is your model of how you would like your relationship to be? ___________________________

V. How well can you swim with an anchor around your ankles?________________________

W. Am I confident enough in my running ability that I know I can outrun an arrow shot?________

X “The fleas of a thousand camels” means?____________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO

THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,

NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE

WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________

Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

____________________________ ________________________________________

Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

________________________________ _______________________________

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Please provide Finger Prints, inked in your own blood for Homeland

Security Identity Checking and DNA sampling:

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.

Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you

probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified

by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely

considered, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating, which is attached to this Application.

Daddy’s Rules for Dating

Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy)

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure

not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer

at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I

will remove them. (Yes, I mean your eyes and hands.)

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely

that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of

your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I

propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your

pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do

not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail

gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some

kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about

sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require

from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and

the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine

with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little

girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I

will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour

goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be

dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the

Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like

changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

• Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

• Places where there is darkness.

• Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.

• Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear

shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose

down parka – zipped up to her throat.

• Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature

chain saws are okay.

• Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted hasbeen. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your

universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the

truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotguns, a shovel, and five acres behind

the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the

driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts

acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my

daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in

plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my

daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside.

The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Sanctuary

Posted on February 16, 2011 by Gracie

I was sitting in church a few weeks back when I thought of the word sanctuary. Doesn’t sanctuary mean a safe place? Why is it that so often we look for sanctuary and we can’t find it where it should be? In church we call the main meeting place the sanctuary. Because that’s what it’s called in the bible as the place where God dwells. Well I think that there’s a deeper meaning beyond that.

As I try to cope with my brother Tim being gone at boot camp and my brother John being at MCT I find myself looking for a safe place where I can share my feelings and be understood. I find myself thinking of all my friends and wondering which ones would actually understand what’s going on in my life. Actually try to empathize and give me comfort when I’m going through a hard time. It was hard to think of a friend I could go to. I needed a sanctuary and there wasn’t one. They say you know who your true friends are when you go through hard times because true friends will stick around when you’re at your worst. Here I find myself doubting my friendships. With drama and everything going on I even wonder how many of my friends even notice that I’m missing my brothers. Today I went to my friend Sara and my words to her were “Hi. I miss you. I don’t know why I came over here but I just want to talk to you cuz I wrote a letter to Tim in US History and I was crying and I just really miss him and I really want a hug.” Was I intending to tell her that? Not really. Am I glad I did? Yeah. Cuz she took me in her arms and gave me a hug and told me not to cry because everything will be okay. And coming from her I believed it.

What does my friend Sara have to do with sanctuary? She is a fellow believer. In the bible it says that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. God dwells in his sanctuary. We are his sanctuary. We are a safe place. We are the person you can run to when the sky is falling down and you feel like the world is turned upside down. and everyone is out to get you. We are a place of refuge. Because God lives in us.

Are you a safe place that others can run to?

Are you peace in the storm?

Are you a rock in sinking sand?

Is the Holy Spirit dwelling in you?

These are questions I find myself asking. These are the things I use to find my true friends. The people I can trust with my broken pieces. This is what makes me go back to prayer group day after day even though I’m too shy to actually talk to anyone. These people are real. They’re safe. They’re gonna hear the words “I cried myself to sleep” and not take it lightly.

It just really bothers me that I pour so much into my relationships and I get nothing out of them. I’m always there for my friends but when I need them to be there they are no where to be found. I want someone’s shoulder to cry on. I want to go on a walk with Tim. I want to talk about all the drama that is going on in my life and cry over my unsaved friends and be encouraged and uplifted and I just want to start the healing process. But I can’t. Because everyone who I could ever trust with the real me has left. California, Colombus… And now I’m left here pushing away all the people who are left here, scared that they would leave too…

Even God.

The worst part about the whole ordeal is that I’ve been pushing away God even though I know he is the only one that will never leave me. I feel like my scars go too deep and God’s love will never be enough to give me peace. His sanctuary will never be safe enough. But that’s a lie. His love is enough, his sanctuary is safe. His rock is solid, and He will Never leave. Why is it so easy to say but so hard to put into practice? Why is it so easy for idols to slip into the quiet times with God? Why is it that when someone puts their arms around me it’s the illusive tall blond instead of my all-powerful God who has already proven himself as real? Why do I turn to fiction to satisfy my needs instead of real life? Maybe it’s because I would rather escape my problems then face them. For a few moments I forget that I am lonely and I’m somewhere else where nothing can ever harm me. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of being refined and tired of having hard times. I want life to be easy for once. But God doesn’t promise an easy life…

I can only look to the day when I will be in heaven and there will be no more pain, no more crying… but there doesn’t have to be pain and crying here. God offers sanctuary. peace. I just have to let him in. I can’t push him away anymore. It’s just so hard to trust when so many times before people have be untrustworthy. I need a sanctuary.

Posted in Relationship | 1 Comment

Thoughts to Finish a Week

Posted on February 12, 2011 by Gracie

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

What do you think? Should I try out for my school’s varsity choir with this song? Make a splash in the pond by proclaiming Christ my treasure? No, it really wouldn’t be a splash.

Because my choir director has told me that she would pray for me before. Mr Mann, an administrator who judges auditions, has a bible in his office and has offered the prayer group use of his office when in need of a place to meet. I am extremely thankful for these two individuals. And for others in my school(like Mme Lefler and Mr Jarnagin) who do not make an effort to hide their faith. In a public school so many times christian students feel like the whole world is against them and their peers and teachers want to squash the life out of them. I have found this to be quite untrue. In my experience despite the public nature of East the teachers come out and put their beliefs out there for all to see. In a show choir competition we went up against a catholic school. East Varsity sang a gospel medley, and the catholic school sang all disney songs. the same thing happened last year.

Today I thank God for all the teachers in my life that have been a spiritual encouragement to me. Because I know that if a teacher can be a light in a dark place when their job is at risk, then I can be a light when all I risk is my pride.

Posted in For the Love of Music, Politics, Religion | 1 Comment

I’m back

Posted on February 7, 2011 by Gracie

hey, so I haven’t really posted much lately. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and to be perfectly honest I’ve been hit with the mack truck of reality. I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life lately, and I honestly don’t know if I’m the same person as I was when I wrote the last post. God has been refining me, and I think it all comes back to the simple truth…

For God so loved the world
that he gave his only son,
that whoever believes in him
shall not perish
but have eternal life.

So often we try to fancy these words up. make them mean something more then they do. So many times christians(myself included) get caught up in the do’s and don’t’s of christianity…. when in reality that isn’t what it’s about at all.

Currently I’m reading A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers. This book follows a Christian Jew, Hadassah, who was captured in the siege of Jerusalem and sold into slavery in Rome. In the forward to this book Rivers talks about why she started writing this book series. She related her hesitance at sharing her newfound faith and how she began writing about Hadassah not as a way of sharing her faith, but to explore her own weakness. I am currently on page 340, and Hadassah has finally let the proverbial cat out of the bag. She has shared her faith with the people who own her. Despite the fact that she could be sent to the arena, sent to die for her words, die because of what she believes, she tells her sick master the story of the prodigal son.

“Enoch handed a goblet to Phoebe and poured another. Decimus glanced up at his rigid face as he took it. ‘which son are you, Enoch?’ he said.
‘I am not familiar with that story,’ Enoch said stiffly. ‘may I bring you anything else, my lord?’
Decimus dismissed him and smiled faintly as he watched him leave the room. ‘I would guess the older son to be a righteous Jew who obeys the law.’
‘Then the younger is the Jew who has turned away from his religion.,’ Phoebe said. She glanced at Hadassah for confirmation.
‘Mankind was created in God’s image, my lady. Not only the Jew.’ Hadassah looked at Decimus. ‘We are all God’s children. He loves us equally, whether Jew or Gentile, slave or free. We cannot earn his love, we can only accept it as a gift-a gift that he will give to each one of us.’
Decimus was amazed at her words, amazed even further that she had spoken them aloud. The mask had slipped and the true face of religion was before him.”

reading this passage, I couldn’t help but be reminded that sharing your faith is not telling people that they are dirty rotten sinners and they are going to hell… I’ve never seen a soul won out of guilt. It isn’t God’s power, God’s majesty, God’s awesomeness, God’s science, or even God’s overwhelming sacrifice that saves this generation. Those things are awesome, but that isn’t what draws people to Christ….

It’s love.

For God so loved the world.

I was watching a rotten tomatoes movie review thing that was talking about the top five worst parents in movie history. The #2 worst parent was God. Their reasoning was that no good parent would allow their own child to be tortured like Jesus was. But what Brett and Ellen failed to realize is that that’s the beauty of it all. God didn’t send his son to die because he’s some kind of sadist who takes cruel pleasure in watching his own flesh and blood be mocked, tortured, stripped, and finally killed in the most shameful, painful manner… He did it because he loves us so much. that he endured watching his son become everything that he despised and finally be killed. He sent his son, not any son, his ONLY son, his beloved son, the heir of his throne, the apple of his eye, to die in the place of you and me.

Because the plain hard truth is that we don’t deserve to live. It isn’t one of our inalienable rights. We have no more right to life then we have the right to be God. We suck. We are the scum of the earth. We rejected God, the one who made such a large sacrifice for us. God went to hell and back(LITERALLY) for us. He offers us life, not just any life, but eternal life! He offers a home. He offers peace, joy, job security, a family, and best of all, he offers the biggest love affair the universe has ever known…

and all he asks in return is your acceptance.

he doesn’t want your money, he doesn’t want your fancy car, he doesn’t want your idea of good and worthy, because he says that all that stuff is like dirty rags to him. He just wants a contrite heart. He wants a sincere apology. He wants you to come as the younger son came and say “Father, I am not worthy to be called your son, please let me be a servant.”

And then comes the party.

I’m not guaranteeing an easy life. But trust me. It’s worth it, This love affair. There are ups and downs, but the love…. It makes you do crazy things. Like share your faith when you are staring death in the face. When those might be your last words….. The passion is in the risk.

Posted in Relationship, Religion | 1 Comment

Thankful Thursday

Posted on November 4, 2010 by Gracie

It’s Thursday again! I had the intention of writing a blog post every day in lieu of NaNoWriMo this year, but that didn’t happen. But, despite my awfulness at writing a consistent blog, I have many things to be thankful of this week. On Monday I went to my new bible study, and actually enjoyed it quite a lot! Which is kind of weird, because the first week I visited I had decided that I didn’t particularly like one of the leaders. I think she’s one of those people that imporves on closer acquaintance though. I started to do the daily studying for that bible study, and it’s gotten me hooked on the bible. I know, kind of weird, but it’s true. When I’m in bed thinking “I have two more hours worth of energy left in me!” It’s my bible that I grab, not “Arabella” by Georgette Heyer…. Good book btw, It’s just not as good as the bible. Can you believe that I actually have to convince myself to read the fiction as opposed to the nonfiction? Kind of a change in thought processes, isn’t it. It’s kind of a good thing I don’t bring my bible to school, cuz then I would be reading it in class! Uh oh! Anyways, I think this thankfulness is that I’ve re-found my love of the word of God, and I’ve become more firm in my love of him.

Secondly, I am picking up one more piano student! Yay! Not only do I get to connect with an awesome young lady now, I also get a little extra cash. Icing on the cake, Icing on the cake. I’m so thankful that I have a job that I not only enjoy, but it gives me the opportunity to develope relationships with young people that are mainly in my church. Also, with the tendonitis, teaching piano keeps me connected to music when I can’t actually play some hard core Godard. So really, it’s not about the money. Just ask any of the parents of my students. I could get away with charging twice as much as I do…. but I don’t. Cuz I love it too much to risk it being expesive.

Thirdly, I am thankful that I follow God. Yes this is corny, but God has been so involved this week, how can I not be thankful? I got to share my testimony with some of the middle schooled girls at youth group. I think they thought I was genuine and I hope they’re open with me from now on.

Fourthly, today I got my show choir dress! YAY! It’s soooo prettyful! It’s red with sequins all over it. It fits perfectly, it’s the perfect length, the perfect modesty, it’s been stamped with my father’s approval(HARD TO GET!!!!!) and it’s sparkly. Not to mention my undergarments that I bought for it don’t slide around, which is nice. To cake the top, my first performance is in one week!!!! I’m excited! And on monday I’m trying out for one of the solo’s that is to be sung on Friday!

The only drawback is that the sequins cut my arms. so all in all my week has been good. very good. And I’m happy again. I think we have God to thank for that….. and my last post….. and more then slightly the tears shed over said last post. Tears are miracles in liquid form.

Posted in Thankful Thursday | 1 Comment

Owl City

Posted on November 1, 2010 by Gracie

an apology. I haven’t blogged in a while. I had the intention of writing a farewell post and taking this blog down, this might not be the time.

Just an update on my life. Please don’t pin me for whining, I am just relating what’s going on. Five weeks ago yesterday(September 26th) I was told that I have tendonitis in both wrists. Four weeks ago yesterday(Sunday, October 3rd) I fell down the stairs and presumably broke my toe. Three weeks ago today(Monday, October 11th) my brother John left for Marine boot camp. In the near future my sister Rebekah will be moving up to Colombus, Nebraska. Since these things happened I have been having a hard time coping. It seemed to me that everything in my life was collapsing in on me.

The tendonitis has wiped out all piano. No playing for Sunday morning worship, No playing for Youth worship, No personal practice, No Winter recital, No taking notes in class, No writing stories. I initially thought it would only take a few weeks to heal. It’s been 4 weeks since I cut a large portion of these things out of my life, and still the tendons give me pain and wear out easily. At this point I’m having a crisis. I don’t know if my wrists will ever heal to the point where I can pursue a degree in piano. The 2 hour daily practicing requirement might be a hindrance in getting into and staying in UNL’s music program. Praise God I can sing, and I’m planning on a music theory major, not a music performance major.

With the toe, I can honestly say this is one of the only things in these past weeks that has gone well for me. Sunday night I tripped on the stairs while wearing fuzzy socks and landed with my entire body weight on my bent backwards big toe. Excruciating pain, extensive swelling, awful bruising. I talked to my sister the next morning and I was 99.7% sure I had broken my toe. I talked to my mom, she set up a doctors apointment and X-ray. As the day went on I had difficulty walking around school. Any pressure on the toe made it hurt like none other. It got to lunch and I was about to cry, if my toe was broken that meant I couldn’t rehearse with show choir. I texted my friend during lunch and asked him to pray for my toe. I ate my lunch and didn’t really think about it until I got to my 6th period class and realized that I hadn’t been limping. I texted my mom(yeah, I know. No texting during school). My mom cancelled the appointment with the doctor. I went home, and the swelling was down and the toe didn’t hurt all that much except for pressure on the bruised areas(duh!). To this day there are still bruises on the toe, and occasionally they pain me, but other then that, my life is uneffected by the incident…. except for the amazing testimony. Praise God!

The Thursday before John was supposed to leave for boot camp he came to my school. He had bought 25 Taco Inn burritoes. Together we explored the cafeteria at school handing out burritoes to random people I knew. Then we sat outside where I usually sit and ate our own burritoes. It wasn’t spectacular or anything, there was sufficient awkward silence, but my brother was there making sure I got to be with him before he left. Now three weeks later I wish I had made more of that day then I had. Making it through these three weeks has been difficult. I’ve had to watch war movies in class, I’ve had to listen to the news, I’ve had to go about daily life knowing that he’s not around to beat up the boys and make me feel special. He’s not around to be my big brother. Knowing that I’m three weeks in and I still have ten weeks just makes me dread the weeks to come. In class it’s been hard to concentrate just with wondering what he’s doing and how he’s coping. It’s hard to watch other people have their family and friends around them being happy when I have someone missing from my life. It’s hard seeing the “Bring our Troops Home” signs and the “Nebraskans for Peace” bumper stickers and the “God Hates Fags” protests knowing that these people are somehow offended by what my brother has decided to give his life for. Wondering if someday a shipping, a homecoming, a funeral I go to will be protested at by radical extremists. It’s hard knowing that everyone I know can’t understand what I’m feeling, and that everyone I know is just going to ignore it and pretend it’s not there, even though it’s eating me up from the inside.

On top of these things, my sister has been gone a lot lately, and will soon be living in a different town. This means that one of the few people I can really relax around will soon be out of immediate reach. And never forget the usual teenaged insecurities. I am far from perfect. To say the least, I’ve been having a difficult time of the past few weeks. To make matters worst, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve picked up my bible. When life is spinning out of control and I refuse to turn to my refuge it’s no surprise I ran into today.

After a fit of rage over the most insignificant thing ever, I angrily got on facebook and started randomly looking at anything to get my mind off of my anger and started chatting with some friends. One thing my friend Ben said made me double think. I had asked him what I should binge on, meaning food. his response was “Jesus and something else, What do you have?”. This got me to thinking. On facebook I had seen several of my friends post a link to Owl City singing a cover of “In Christ Alone” I listened to the song and started to cry. I did some google searching and was lead to the Owl City blog where it had the analysis of why he made a cover of this song. He had written out the lyrics and I listened to the song while reading the lyrics and realizing that I fail at life. Where I was trying to cope with all this stuff going on in my life, trying to sweep stuff under the rug and pretend like I am okay, trying to make it through advanced classes with a lot on my mind, trying to plan my future around an unforseen complication, all the while trying to drive from the back seat. Cuz I’ve given God the driver’s seat, remember? But perhaps I’ve tried to take it back. saying “I’ve got this curve, Jesus.” “You’ve saved me, now I can take it from here.”. But somewhere along the way I’ve lost track of truth: My hope is found in Christ alone; He is my strength; He is my solid ground; He is firm through the fiercest drought and storm; He stills fears and stops striving; His love is where I stand; Jesus rose again; He stands in victory; sin’s curse no longer rules me; Christ bought me; Jesus commands my destiny; Nothing can seperate me from Him; Til He returns, or calls me home, here in the power of christ I’ll stand.

Posted in For the Love of Music | 5 Comments