For The Cause

MKay so I’m gonna talk about something that really befuddles me…. that kind of goes along with what I’ve said before about selling out….

So you know those people…. you know the ones who take up every cause out there because they’re “outraged”…. yeah you know, the Kony people and the Trayvon people and all those other people…. yeah you know who I’m talking about…. those people annoy the crap out of me. And I think the reason why I’m not a huge Hunger Games fan is because it’s in that same vein of…. dare I say it…. Hipsterism(Is that even a word? It is now. copyright gracebug lolz)

I feel like those people are trapped in a fantasy world…. granted they probably feel the same way about me, but come on people…. There are 7 billion people in this world… the cause that you’re supporting is located halfway around the world….. And you actually think that by buying a teeshirt you can make a difference. Really. Really. (I should really consider vlogging. I feel like my tone and attitude don’t come across in text quite like it would in person…. But never mind. This may surprise you, but I’m a relatively shy person… well not shy, per say, but definitely introverted…)

I”m really distracted today.

Anyways. Back on point. I’ve been reading Blue Like Jazz because I saw they were making a movie about it and it intrigued me. hopping on a fad? Perhaps. But I’ve been reading some good things. Mainly in his second chapter labled “Problems” ooooooh ominous. Basically he talks about the one time he went protesting with his friend and how the president(George W Bush at the time) didn’t even look at them and he begins to wonder if he’s actually making a difference. Also he talks about a conversation with a friend about the state of third world countries and the question is asked “Am I capable of rape and murder?”

Which is of course a loaded question. If the answer is no, then what makes you so much better than the people who are raping and murdering in third world countries? Are you more “evolved” than them? But, on the other hand, if you answer “Yes” then you are forced to face your own depravity.

“I am the problem”

Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz, then goes on to say that every conscious person must come to a point where they stop blaming everyone else for the problems of the world and start examining their own actions. If you have a problem with hunger, then go feed the poor. If you have a problem with politics, go run for office(or vote for pete’s sake). If you have a problem with Kony, well…. I’m stumped there. Go start an orphanage. The old saying “If you want something done right, do it yourself” is very fitting in this case. And true.

Don’t buy a teeshirt, don’t share a photo on facebook, don’t tweet about it…. do something.

Which brings me to my final point.

An atheist once said that “Africa needs Jesus”. In my mind I hear lots of songs…. “Jesus is the answer for the world today. Above him there’s no other, Jesus is the way.” “Woaaaaoooohhh God be the solution. Woaooohhh we will be your hands and be your feet…”

What’s my cause? For what do I stand? Well here’s the deal. You can try and solve the world’s problems through ordinary means and you just might be successful to some extent. But water doesn’t quench the eternal thirst. Food doesn’t satisfy the eternal hunger. As long as satan reigns in man’s heart there will be war(Dee Henderson). A cure for cancer doesn’t cure the human condition.

But Jesus…. Jesus is the eternal humanitarian effort. the all encompassing humanitarian effort. the cure-all.

That’s my cause.

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Why Can’t I Cry?

I’ve been thinking about book titles lately… Not that I’m planning on writing a book(that’s soooo sophomore year! lol jk pffft) but I like to think of titles. That’s about how far I get before I get bored…

Anyways… good titles I’ve thought of are….

Why Can’t I Cry?

That would be a story of deep deep pain.

or….

Never Been Kissed

That would be a sappy romance story about true love that DOESN’T star that one chick who sucks at acting.

or….

Standing Alone

That would be a book about standing up for what you believe in…

how about….

Desperation: The story of Total Surrender…

This will probably be my new blog name, so don’t steal it….

For those of you who don’t know, I am total surrender. That’s been my online kinda name and such. My twitter is @totalsurrender. I never get on it, but you can follow me anyway… I’m pretty sure in my about page I talk about total surrender and on a different post(life is a battlefield) I talk about deperation. read it! I have a couple posts that are my favorites and that’s one of them.

Well anyways. Currently I’m learning a song for school. You might know it. It’s called “Some Nights” by Fun…. There’s a part where it’s like what do I stand for? Most nights I don’t know…. bla bla bla…. and so it got me to thinking about what I stand for…. yup.

Desperation and total surrender….

Do you ever think of book titles?

Posted in Random Anecdotes | 2 Comments

Racism

Hi guys, so I just kinda lied earlier about the whole nothing to say thing. Turns out my fingers still work even though the rest of my body is completely dead.

So I just thought I’d address something that’s been bothering me ever since it happened. And that would be the Trayvon Martin thing. I’m not going to spew my opinion on whether or not he was murdered or if it was self defense or whatever…. that’s not my area of expertise…. I don’t really HAVE an area of expertise…. but from how I see it…

Well here’s what I think.

I think that all these people that are all “It’s a hate crime! He was only killed because he was black! Bla bla bla!!!” Need to get over themselves. Seriously people. First of all, he was killed by a hispanic dude, so don’t even blame it on “white supremacy” cuz no white person was involved in the situation. Second of all, racism doesn’t just go one way. The civil rights movement was based on all men being created equal. That there was and is no difference between black and white… or hispanic or asian or etc. (Sorry if I offend you liberals out there by not using the politically correct term. It’s hard to keep track of all the names you people give human beings)

The other day I was sitting in my choir class and listening to a rather disconcerting conversation about whether or not my school is racist. All the liberals were all “OMG it’s sooooo racist here!!!” and these people were also white. and I was like hey, this isn’t right. We should ask a black person if they think that this school is racist. So I looked to my friend who was sitting next to me and for the first time in my life it hit me that some people might treat her differently because she’s from Ethiopia. well… because she’s black. Sure I noticed that she’s a different color than I am, but I noticed that like I would notice the color of someone’s hair or the color of their eyes…. She’s human and so am I…. what’s the big deal?

So I turned to her and I said “Do you think that we’re racist here?” and she said “No. Everyone is nice and they treat me like they would treat anyone.”

now I can understand why someone might think that racism would be a problem at my school considering we’re a predominantly white school. And I don’t mean anything but black, I mean white. As in European Americans…. But it’s not a problem. If there were black people at my school then I would treat them the same way as I treat anyone else. It’s not my fault I go to a predominantly white school…. And sending all the black and hispanic and etc. kids that got expelled from other schools to our school just to get our diversity numbers up doesn’t really do much for our racism problem. I don’t generally get along with the types of people who get expelled…. and if the only contact I get with minority groups is the scum of the earth…. well how will that affect my opinion of that “minority group”? Probably didn’t think of that, didn’t you.

Anyways, back to Trayvon. I feel like this whole murder thing wouldn’t even be a big news splash if he wasn’t black. How I see it, a college guy and a teenager got into a tussle and one ended up with a broken nose and one ended up dead. Worse things happen on the streets every day. As far as tragedies go, this doesn’t really top the list. So why is it a big deal? “OOOOOHHHH Racism!!!!!” hmmmm…. Well honestly, the only person who can’t see past Trayvon Martin’s skin color is you. You aren’t honoring him by pushing for an investigation, you’re pointing at his skin and saying “look a black kid was killed!”. No. A young man was killed. An even worse tragedy if you think about it.

But. Frankly I’m tired of the pointing of fingers. I long for the day when I can go and hang out with peoples of all nations and not once have the word “race” even thought of.

Oh and while I’m on the topic, who says that differences in skin color are bad? Why can’t we celebrate the differences? I am pasty white and I burn like none other. And I don’t even look that good. Black people are lucky. They have beautiful dark skin. They don’t freckle. They don’t have to worry about sunburns as much as someone like me… And here “Oh crap, Grace is pointing out their skin color.”

People. It’s just like hair color. It’s just like eye color. No freaking out when I say I wish I was blonde or I wish I had green eyes….

Posted in Politics | 1 Comment

Senioritis: it happens

Senioritis: Inflammation of the senior which results in much complaining, laziness, apathy, and procrastination. Usually happens to a high school student when they are within a few months of graduation.

Gracie has Senioritis therefore Gracie will not have anything worthwhile to say until graduation.

Deepest apologies to all devoted readers(Rebekah :D)

Posted in Random Anecdotes | 1 Comment

From the Prison

You know, I haven’t talked about my school much and I have no idea why…. Mostly because of privacy issues but also because I hate it here. Why talk about something I hate? Well, since I’m languishing in my first period digital media class, I think I’ll let you in on the hatred.

Lets start with an external description.

My school looks like a prison. All it needs is some barbed wire around the outside and BAM! Prison. Granted, it’s a rather nice looking prison, but seriously guys. Being built in the war era, these people were thinking of efficiency and cost effectiveness…. So there aren’t any windows. Lately we’ve had a lot of renovations and a few windows have been added, but considering the actual structure of the building there wasn’t much they could do.

Internal description

I probably shouldn’t rip my teachers while on a school computer so I will sum it all up into one word: Laziness.

Relational description

Again, I probably should rip my fellow classmates on a school computer for fear of getting charged with cyber bullying, but considering I”m including myself in this I hope it won’t be so bad. Apathy. Bloody, Lazy, Shallow apathy.

But what do you expect from a bunch of teens?

So basically school is my daily hell. I don’t even see the light of day until lunch time…

Posted in Random Anecdotes | 1 Comment

The Greatest Story Ever Told

I’ve seen this video floating around facebook but I haven’t watched it because I’m a Hater(capitalized). I finally watched it and I thought I would share because it perfectly says my views and I think perhaps explains my contempt of religious things…. This is kind of a followup on the sell-out post.

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

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Lust vs. Appreciation

The part of the show where Grace talks about nasty guys who stare.

So today I went to the China Buffet with my sister and I couldn’t help but notice that there was an inordinate amount of staring going on. Namely gross older-then-me men staring at, you guessed it, me. It’s like they’ve never seen a tall, thin, curvaceous woman before. Now, I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world. Hell, I don’t even feel right calling myself a woman cuz I’m only 17.99999999 for pete’s sake. But to be honest, I’ve never really looked my age so however young I might be is somewhat moot. Anyways. I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world, but apparently I’m not bad looking. And considering my genes I’m kind of blessed(or doomed) when it comes to superficial looks.

On that note I’d like to talk about men(boys…. brutes?) Why do they insist upon staring at girls? Do I have a big pimple on my nose or something? Naw, of course not. There’s nothing repulsing about my appearance(I don’t think…. I did remember to brush my hair this morning, right?) so that means there are two reasons why this gentleman may or may not be staring.

REASON 1:

I am the most beautiful person he has ever seen.

Not likely….

REASON 2:

He wants to shag me.

more likely, unfortunately….

Soooo today I found myself getting checked out as the lunch special. Right up there with General’s chicken and Sweet and Sour pork. Greatttt….

Being of a philosophical turn of mind, I started to think of the difference between when a guy looks at you and you feel good and when a guy looks at you and you feel violated.

Personally, when a guy looks at me and I can tell he’s thinking about me in less then appropriate ways, it makes me shudder and start lacing my keys between my fingers. I don’t like being advanced on untowardly. I’m liable to do things you might not like(like making up a completely BS story about how the ring on my left finger is from my fiance who was hit by a car and died earlier this week…. the truth, perhaps, is just as terrifying.). No girl wants to be degraded to the level of lunch….

But there is a glance that girls appreciate, and it takes a certain kind of man to give it. That is, a REAL man. This is the look of appreciation. The look that says “Hmmmmm, a woman that knows how to clothe herself well.”

These looks may have a touch of attraction, but it is only acceptable in men who are around the same age. If an old man looked attracted to me I would be seriously creeped out… But when a nice looking young person looks at me at Super Saver with that surprised “wow, I wasn’t expecting that when I looked up from the freezer section” look, how could I not feel good about myself?

But something to be noted, this first impression can easily be revoked. If there’s the look and that look is followed up by an introduction and then you become clingy and creepy and awkwardy flirty that doesn’t move towards ACTUALLY getting to know each other…. hmmmm, AXED!

Not that I have any experience…. cough cough…

Just the random musings of the teen girl.

BY THE WAY!

I only have 2 years left of teenager-hood. What am I going to call my blog once I turn twenty? input please!

Posted in Girl-ness | 2 Comments

Besties

Hey-o. It’s spring break and I just got back from a really fun night with my friends. Nothing too crazy. Just dinner, a movie and some kick butt stargazing. Kinda got me to thinking about “best friends”… Now I have this problem…. It’s something like a fear of committment, though that’s not even what it is. It’s like I’m terrified of saying something is more then it is because I’m scared of being hurt by my own expectations. I don’t call people my best friend, I don’t say “I love you”…. I’ve psychoanalysed myself and I think it’s because I don’t want people to know how I really feel unless I’m completely overwhelmed by that feeling…. or when I was a kid these phrases were overused and they got a really negative reaction in my mind so it’s not necessarily a good thing anymore…. or maybe it’s because every time I called someone my best friend it ended up being the kiss of death on our relationship. Idk but I don’t like these things…

Anyways, this post going way deeper than I intended it to.

Basically I was out with my friends and for the second time in a week someone referred to me as their best friend followed by “That’s right, I went there.”

Which is cool, I think I’m getting over my fear of…. whatever it is I’m afraid of…

But the weird part is that whenever I think about my best friends I think about who would be my bridesmaids if I got married tomorrow….

Honestly, there are so many amazing people in my life right now I wouldn’t even know where to start. I have my school friends and my church friends and my family friends and my cousins…. I don’t blame those brides who end up with 7 bridesmaids. That’s going to be me someday.

Basically the point of this post is to express my gratitude to God and to others that I have such amazing people in my life. That so many people think of me as one of their best friends…. It’s kind of humbling to think about because I’m such a terrible friend, and yet I still have these amazing, strong, people around me.

Posted in Girl-ness, Relationship | 1 Comment

Sell-Out

According to Wikipedia, Selling out means…”the compromising of integrity, morality, or principles in exchange for money or “success” (however defined).[1] It is commonly associated with attempts to tailor material to a mainstream audience.”

Urban Dictionary defines a sell-out as “Anyone who sacrifices artistic integrity in an effort to become more successful or popular (generally in music); someone who forgets their roots.”

I think Urban Dictionary does a great job of conveying my definition of the word. “Someone who forgets their roots”

Now, generally when christian bloggers go off on sell-outs, they’re generally talking about those christians who sold out and compromised their christian values in order to be more popular in the world…. which, undoubtedly, is an issue and some would say that I’m that type of sell-out. Hell, some days I’m almost positive I’m that type of sell-out(Although my compromising of morals is a lot less insecure and more selfish. But that’s irrelevant, I’m not going to defend my sinful nature. It is what it is.)

The kind of sell-out that I absolutely can’t stand… are the christians who forget their sinful roots. (as afore mentioned, I error on the other side of this continuum, but!) You all know the people I’m talking about… They repost all those facebook thingies that are all “I’m part of the 6% that will share this and stand up for God!” Like yeah, whatever.

You can stand up for God on facebook, but do you stand up for him at school? In your workplace? In your life? Seriously, who are you to say that I don’t stand up for God?

granted, I could just repost the stupid picture and then I wouldn’t have this problem,

But doesn’t that just REEK of selling out?

Nothing says “Jesus loves you” quite like proclaiming yourself the cream of the proverbial christian crop.

It has just hit me! This compromises one the most important christian values. Humility.

yes, there is a such thing as mainstream christian… and I HATE IT! even more than I hate secular mainstream, because when I’m hanging out with the druggies they aren’t pretending to be better then me. They aren’t pretending to be a part of the 6% that stands up for Jesus on facebook and subliminally calling you a heathen for not reposting. I will not be guilted into cluttering my wall with poor artwork proclaiming everything that I had about the American Church. Sorry guys, I’m not going to sell out. I am a heathen. I’m a terrible christian. I sell out the other way more then I should. I compromise way more then I should. And I’m not saying I’m any less of a sell-out…. but at least my selling out comes with a dose of reality. I’m not pretending to be the 6%. I know I’m a sell-out. I know I get distracted. I know I LOOOOOVE gratifying the sinful nature. But I see it for what it is, and yeah, it makes me a little sick on the inside to see the stupid little compromises I’ve made over the years that got me to where I’m at today… But I’d like to think I’ll be stronger for it in the end. One day I’ll get back on track… or maybe I’ve been on track the whole time, I just keep looking back… I don’t know. But I’ve got my God and my morals… I’ve got my ideals…. and one of those just happens to be a hatred for all pompous christianity.

cough.cough.Casting Crowns.cough.cough

And to name a few more “christian” artist I don’t care for… Brit Nicole… that one lady who sang “Jesus take the wheel”…. Did I mention Casting Crowns? Yeah I REALLY hate them.

Posted in Relationship, Religion | Leave a comment

Fist Pump to the Face

Woohooo!!!! I’ve been so productive today. Check this,

I DID ALLLLL MY LAUNDRY! And folded it AND put it away. I think this is a momentous occasion… I haven’t actually finished the laundry project since the first grade. Okay, slight exaggeration, it happens a couple times quarterly…. Maybe twice every three months…. But still, that’s not very often. I have a lot of clothes…. Also I taught two piano lessons, watched a movie, and cleaned my room(which consists of putting all my shoes away and sweeping the floor….)

So now that I’ve downplayed all my accomplishments of the day(aka puffed them up. Aka let you in on just how much clothing I have( A LOT!!!)) I’m going to tell you about my awkward bruise.

So on Saturday night when I got home from the highlighter dance(first ever, hella-epic-awesome.) I thought I was going to have a ginormous bruise on my face(due to one of my friends fist pumping me in the face…. a kind way of saying she punched me in the eye on accident), but no….

Where do I have a bruise? The palm of my hand right next to my wrist. Epic weirdness. I have no idea how it got there….

Anyways… I’m going to go sweep the floor and do my homework and practice piano now…

Or play Words with Friends on facebook…

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