I can upload pictures!!! I’ve been trying and trying to upload pictures for a good while now and I’ve had no luck. So I asked Rebekah to fix it. And she did! So now I can post pictures.
My beloved new sister in law and me
SEE!!!!
More exciting posts to come! This is a pivotal moment on my blog. Now I can write posts about food I make and crafts I do and insane music I play(Curse you Chopin!). probably less ranting and more fun stuff. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! Gracie is excited!
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but since I’ve started working the evening shift(as opposed to the early early early morning shift of previous summers) I’ve been afflicted with a terrible case of insomnia. I don’t know if it’s too much chocolate before bed, a new home, stress, or what, but it’s getting out of hand.
So last night I grabbed my bible and headed out to the dock. Considering it was midnight, I also grabbed the new citronella candle my sister Anna bought. It was windy. I had to use my ingenuity but before long I was sitting by the lake with a candle flickering over the water reading the Psalmist’s wonder that an all powerful God is thinking of a lowly human.
As I sat on the dock and pondered the bigness of the universe and the smallness of myself I noticed the most amazing thing.
The water, the candle, the stars, the lights across the water…. It all came together to make something so beautiful that nothing will ever capture it. I found myself in one of those moments that will only ever live on in memory. No painting, no picture, no movie will ever do it justice.
And I serve the God who made an eternity’s worth of those moments.
wow.
These here days I’m around a lot of Catholics. I’m also reading a biography of Martin Luther’s life…. sooo…. Basically I am extremely curious what the catholic church is all about these days. You know, post-reformation…. I was in with a resident and the topic of conversation turned to religion. It comes out that this individual is catholic. I say “I’m non-denominational christian, but if I had to slap a label on it I’d probably be Lutheran. I don’t know much about the Catholic church, what are you all about?”
The response?
“Well I’m a bad Catholic, but I believe…”
And I listened to Jesus’ life, death, resurrection, and ascension paraphrased. nothing about the virgin Mary, nothing about the pope, nothing about images of Jesus or anything.
I’ve decided in order to get the lowdown about those things I should ask a good Catholic. do you agree?
You want to know what my biggest problem is? I’m a teenaged girl. I don’t have the mental capacity to handle some of the idiocy out there. I check my facebook and a simple question like “Die Hard vs. The Notebook” infuriates me.
“RAAAAWWWWRRRRR I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE THE NOTEBOOK!!!!!!!”
There. It’s out.
Or hearing people talk about gay rights.
“RAWWWWRRRR STOP BEING SO CONDESCENDING!!!!! I DON’T CARREEEEE!!!!!!”
Or reading a blog and someone is raging and they decide to duplicate the silent letters. Like seriously, how do you say “CARREEEEEEEE”
Let’s all just pause a bit after saying care(holding out the r a little longer than usual) to symbolize the extra silent E’s.
Or frickin’ friends getting boyfriends before you.
Politics in general…
I just can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my posts about politics are practically nonexistent now.. it’s because I can’t handle it. I get a angry on the inside and want to change the subject. Even in my own brain I can’t handle it. I hardly ever think about politics these days. I don’t read political articles, I don’t watch political movies, I don’t talk about it. I can’t handle it.
Also, the catholic institution. Can’t stand it. Can’t even talk about it. no. Not happening. I’m reading a biography of Martin Luther. Fills me with rage. I assume the modern catholic church isn’t as corrupt as back then but….
Now that I’ve complained(another thing that angers me…) for a whole 300 words I’m going to leave you with a good thought.
Life is messy and complicated. And you would think that killing people would make them like you, but it doesn’t… it just makes them dead.
Mkay so you all know the song.
But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
I haven’t made any secret of the fact that I hate that song. In fact, I point it out at every opportunity possible. But I feel like I spew hatred and I don’t give any reason behind it besides name calling, and that is wrong. So here are my reasons why I hate that song. After I am through with those reasons I will tell you why I hate all their other songs. Then I will tell you the few songs that I can stand…
REASONS WHY I HATE “IF WE ARE THE BODY” BY CASTING CROWNS
1. What Audacity to think that God’s hands don’t/can’t move when the “church” is idle. God, in all his power and might, the author and perfecter, the sovereign King, can’t move unless his people move. Since God is somehow tied to those who speak his name. SPEAK, not necessarily follow for who even is the church?
Which leads to
2. What blindness to call the people who aren’t moving God’s body! The message of the song is “Hey, Christian! get off your lazy bumsicle and further the kingdom of God!” but what it really should be is “Hey severed hand, reconnect to the head!”
Here’s how the body works. You have your brain, which is inside your head, and the brain controls the entire rest of the body, voluntary and involuntary movement. If there’s something wrong with the head, then the body can’t move, and if the thing that is meant to move is cut off from the head it can’t move.
So here we have two reasons here why the body isn’t moving
a. There’s something wrong with the head(The audacity! God is perfect. This can’t be the reason!)
b. The body has been cut off from the head.(Now there’s an idea. Maybe the church isn’t really the church. Maybe it’s just a rotting body part lying abandoned on the side of the road, hmmm?)
In conclusion: If we are the body then we are moving. If we are not part of the body then we cannot move. Therefore if you are not moving it’s either because the head does not wish you to move or you aren’t actually a part of the body. Who am I to know God’s plan, so I’m not going to tell you you’re operating outside of God’s plan by not moving because I don’t know. But when it says in the bible “As you are going, make disciples of the world” well…. you can read that how you will. But the point I’m trying to make is that those who belong to God cannot help but be used by Him.
REASONS WHY I DON’T LIKE CASTING CROWNS
1. From a purely musical standpoint, the lead singer’s voice is annoying and the harmonies are predictable. on top of that, the lyrics are bland and overused(seriously, how many times do you have to say “Gives herself/yourself away” in an album?)
2. All of their popular, original songs are deprecating to the church and display a gross mischaracterization of the God of the Bible. Not only in the song I mentioned above, but also in other songs. I feel they want to convey a sense of urgency when it comes to loving the lost, but they completely fail at conveying urgency and instead alienate Christians and treat God with a flippancy that is disgusting.
Now I understand that only a few of their songs have these issues, but you have to understand where I’m coming from here. I am a borderline Calvinist in that I believe that God’s will will be done no matter what we can do. Who are we to thwart God’s plan? To quote Mordecai “If you refuse salvation for the Jews will come from somewhere else, but as for you and your family…” So I pretty much disagree with the whole premise of the recent missions movement in music. I don’t share the gospel because it’s my duty, I share the gospel because I can’t not. Listening to some lukewarm song about telling the world about Jesus isn’t going to get me fired up. Some song guilt tripping me into a misguided conversation isn’t going to help God’s cause. What does help is people who are so on fire about the character of God that they can’t help but preach. Cut the crap and praise God, folks.
SONGS BY CASTING CROWNS I LOVE
1. Who am I(This song portrays reverence for God. Which I appreciate.)
2. Praise You in this Storm(again. Reverence)
3. The Voice of Truth(The focus is on God during this song. yes, it has elements of self gratulation, but the focus is that God gives us strength.)
4. Any song they covered. So anything not actually written by them.
You know those awkward moments when people expect you to say witty things but you don’t have anything to say? This is happening to me a lot lately. I’m not sure what the point of it is… perhaps it’s God’s way of humbling me, perhaps I’ve never really had something worthwhile to say… But at this point in time I find the worst part of my day is trying to think of a facebook status.
The part that makes it so frustrating is that I have a lot going through my brain that I would love to say something witty about…. but it all seems shallow and gloaty. “Last year I was in switzerland, this year I had to work. Guess I’m a terrible American”
Yeah, sure Grace. Holiday pay and Switzerland. No one is going to read that status and think “Poor Gracie”
No, these are the inane things that go through my head that I hate(I also hate that I can’t talk about my traveling experiences without people thinking I’m some spoiled brat who gets free trips to Europe. I have been NOWHERE except for my tour last summer. My most exotic vacation was to Canada, and that wasn’t even for funsies. That was for a wedding…. All the other vacations were to Montana and Missouri. I’m so spoiled.(That’s right. I count count the number of vacation trips on one hand.(Too much self-pity? Perhaps))) And now I’m working my tushy off so some day I can make a difference in this world. Poor Gracie.
Self pity aside, I am truly blessed. If pride and pity rear their ugly heads it is proof that I am in fact human and in need of a savior. More deeply than any of you will know. For who can truly comprehend the teenaged mind?
The purpose of my packing up my bags and moving in with my sisters was to earn money for college, yes. But it was also a chance to get out of my routine and find God, so to speak. Well here’s what I’ve found.
In Joshua there’s a lot of talk of battle. There are the ones that are won and the ones that are lost. if you want to turn your memories back to Achan you can remember that a whole battle was lost due to his sin and a lot of “innocent” people died(though who is truly innocent?)…. Once Achan is killed then the Israelites start to win again. But when the army went forward without God, they failed. Then later when Israel goes into captivity the reason is because they’ve blasphemed God in their hearts and God turns against them. Most of the chosen people are wiped out and only a remnant remains.
In Joshua right before the battle of Jericho Joshua goes and meets with the Commander of the Lord’s army. Joshua asks him “Are you for us?”
The commander answers “No.”
“But I am the commander of the Lord’s army.”
Moral of this story…. God is for Himself.
“I am on nobody’s side cuz nobody is on my side.”
And they say his(name that author for brownie points) literary works weren’t affected by his faith…
next post is going to unravel the specifics for my hatred of Casting Crowns(I wrote a journal entry a few nights ago and I thought it was very clear as to why I hate them. Think I might share…) Be prepared to get a lot of input from the Calvinist side of the dichotomy that is my mind.
I’ve decided on my new descriptor. it came to me in the shower while I was dwelling on my wickedninjaness.
Mkay peeps, here’s my dilemma. I’ve been working on my swearing issue for a while now, and I’m not going to say it’s getting better because then I’ll get cocky and let my guard down cuz that’s what I do… sighs. I have a pretty easy time cutting out certain unsavory words because they’re cultural and don’t actually convey a real idea. Like the f word. No one needs to actually say that word because culturally it’s an accessory word.
Accessory Word: A word that doesn’t actually mean anything. Used to express an emotion or add more emotion to a sentence. like “ARRRRGGGHHH” or “SHOOT!” or “F$@%#!” or “That was some freaking good lasagna.”, “AAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH I STUBBED MY TOE!”
These accessory words I have a pretty easy time with cutting them out. Mostly due to the fact that my brain doesn’t operate in coherent language(contrary to significant evidence otherwise(my affinity for languages)). That’s right folks. Unless I’m really riled up(this will come back) My mind operates in images and grunts(there’s probably some psychological reason behind this where the part of my brain that is emotional is connected to my speech…. when the big emotions are coming the magnificent speeches kick in. seems kind of backwards to me….) So when I’m spacing out and stub my toe the first word out of my mouth is…. nothing. No words. It’s “AAARRRGHHH!!!!!”
But after the initial shock has worn off my non-spacing brain kicks in and I feel the need to insult whatever it is that caused the emotion.
“AAAAARRRGGGHHHH! Son of a biscuit eating bulldog!”
Bad Names: Names that are insulting used to degrade. i.e. butt trumpet, son of a biscuit eating bulldog, mother, turd box, retard, homosexual, any combination of the above. Plus all of the four letter words in some variation. Not going to say all the insulting names I know. That would be highly inappropriate.
My mother always taught me that if I didn’t have something nice to say to say nothing at all. Jesus taught me not to gossip. I taught myself to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So basically insulting names have no place in my vocabulary. Whatever issue I have with cutting these out is linked to a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with. In utopia, I don’t have a problem with these words.
But there is one descriptive word that I am having issues with. One that is really hard to cut out of my vocabulary. And that is Bad(inappropriate word for patootie).
now here’s my definition of a badbum. Nope too hard. Here are my examples of badbums.
1: Jason Bourne
2: Black Cat a.k.a. IIIX a.k.a. Train Heartnet
3: James Bond
4: Neal Caffrey
5: Batman
6: Sarah Palin Gerard Butler
7: The Brothers Reidell
8: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
9: Severus Snape
10: The Doctor
11: Pre-Bella Edward Cullen
Mkay I know what you’re thinking. “Grace, there are barely any girls on that list! Girls can be badbums too!”
Here are my adjectives that describe badbummery:
1: strong
2: independent
3: mysterious
4: confident
5: more than slightly dangerous
6: sleek
7: classy
8: detached(borderline ruthless)
9: tall
10: dark
11: handsome
and there you have the reason why not many girls pass the test. In my eyes. There’s an aspect of sexual attraction involved in this. In fact, I’m knocking Sarah Palin off the list. She’s been made fun of too much to be classy and she was in politics for too long to be mysterious. Sorry chica. So basically the only woman who made it was Mrs. Smith a.k.a. Angelina Jolie. I hate her guts, but she’s BA.
So you can see where I’m coming to a dilemma here. I use this term a lot to explain people and I’m not going to say “Oh my lord I met this guy and he’s mysterious and sexy(in an almost purely platonic way). He seems really dangerous but at the same time trustworthy. So classy and chic, omg….” when I could say “I met this bad….”
So I want to find a good alternative for this phrase. Which is hard because I can barely even explain to you what one is using ordinary adjectives. How can I find an alternate phrase that is just as short that conveys the same idea?
I can’t say badbum or any other phrase that uses a less offensive word for posterior because anything less than ass is juvenile and therefore not BA. Cuz let’s be honest. Badpatooties swear. Which is why I’m not one…
AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH I give up. I want two words that I can smoosh together to make an equally descriptive phrase. The first must be more descriptive than “bad” because we can’t use the even more descriptive posterior…. the second word should be a noun that is super epic. Maybe a word for a superman. Like a droid… or captain America…
If anyone has any suggestions let me know. I need to go be a good hostess at midnight…make sure everyone has a place to crash…
In a little bit I’m going to go outside and give myself cancer…. but the sun isn’t high enough in the sky…. So I’m going to hopefully get a little bit off my chest.
You know the whole cliche of “They told me I could be anything, so I became….” Well in my generation there’s a lot of… what’s it called? Nihilism? Going around. Basically a lot of people think that there isn’t a point to life. Oh, you want to be a brain surgeon? Why? What’s the point?
Oh, well I want to help people.
And then comes this other group of people we like to call pessimists… they say “Oh, you can’t actually help people. You’re only one person. You can’t actually make a difference. And besides, you probably won’t make it to medical school and you probably won’t get a job and you’ll be paying off loans for the rest of your life so you won’t have any money to go change the world.” And the pessimist becomes the nihilist “What’s the point of changing the world anyway? The world is going to burn whether you try to change it or not. What’s the point?”
I’ve always thought of myself as a realist. You know, not a pessimist, one of those people who sees the world in it’s untainted state. FIRST of all, that’s the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard(I’m sorry.) To have the audacity to think that I’m the only person in the world that doesn’t peer at the world through a lens is… well…. pretentious. It’s audacious. It’s ridiculous. it’s….. INSANE! SECOND of all…. what is real? Miracles happen all the time.
AND now that I’ve called myself an idiot….
What do I really want to do with my life? I can be anything, what do I want to be?
I think it’s finally hit me that I can be anything….
This is so corny, but I’ve been so caught up in realism that I’m denying myself the opportunity to change the world. My world.
So yeah now I’m working in a place with a bunch of other people who are trying to become nurses at the same time and I see a bunch of people who have set the bar low, and I don’t want to do that. I want to have an unrealistic goal. Shoot for the stars, if you’re lucky you’ll land on the moon(yes, I switched that around. Deal with it. Idiot.)
And what’s that about being practical? To paraphrase my all-time favorite movie(and perhaps a former British prime minister?)
I’m too young to realize that some things are impossible, so I do them anyways.
The guy who said that later accomplished the impossible. Some may call you a naysayer, I call you a nihilistic pessimist. humph. minitaur out.,
Mkay so you know how in high school they make you take psychology/human behavior classes and there’s always a unit on stress? Well when I took HB how I understood stress is that most of it is situational and your stress level is not necessarily correlated with how much you’re freaking out or how you feel about yourself. I also learned in that class that I have a certain knack for dealing with stress. as in. Stress doesn’t bother me much. I deal with it. I don’t let myself freak out.
Well yesterday I started my new job in a different city the day after orientation at my new college because last week I graduated from high school. Speaking of situational stress, let’s look at what I’ve got on my plate:
1. New Job
2. New Home
3. New City
4. New Friends
5. New School
6. A lot of life decisions(what do I major in? How long do I stay in undergrad? Should I get a bachelors before going into nursing school? Accelerated nursing program or no?)
7. I’m in debt. For the first time in my life I’m working to make all the ends meet.
If you’re wondering why I haven’t blogged in a while, this is why. I’ve been really preoccupied with life. Too busy with things happening to tell you all about it. But whatever, back to the story.
sidenote: I hate how boring my blog has become. I need to rant about something or tell a funny story….
Yesterday I started my new job as a CNA and it’s company policy to have a TB test before you start working. So I went to work and got ready for my TB shot. I’m not nervous per say, I just don’t like needles. At all. But as needles go, this needle isn’t so bad. I don’t feel it go in, I watch as a mosquito bite lookin’ thing appears under my skin. It’s a little freaky, but I’m cool with it. Kind of fascinated. Like wooooaaaaah dude. Yep. The needle comes out and I lose my head. yeah baby, I’m about to faint. Luckily for me, I’m not a stranger to the feeling of about to faint as I’ve done it a few times. So I hunch down so I’m sitting on my heels and put my head down. People are asking if I’m okay and I’m just like “I’m gonna faint.”
I felt super rude cuz I was giving short, monotone answers when people tried to get to know me, but geez guys, I’m about to faint over here! But after sitting there for what felt like a really freakishly long time, I got up and did my job.
What befuddles me is why I felt faint. Last time I had my blood drawn I watched it happen. I watched my blood leave my body. I gave blood. Granted I fainted after that, but that was from a combination of hypovolemia and not eating enough breakfast…
So I hypothesize that it was either the mosquito bite thing(which was basically the fluid she was injecting under my skin pooled to make a bump) or the stress. who knows? Probably the mosquito bite. But I’m reflecting on the stress and thinking that perhaps my stress balloon is a bit too full, even though it’s full of a bunch of really good things that I’m very happy about. I love my life right now. I miss my parents, but that’s normal…