The internal controversy.

Have you ever felt like you were fighting with yourself? Well… I’m in the middle of a REALLY big argument with me. I have this mental picture of three or four me’s sitting at a really big conference table. One me is extremist one side and the other extremist the other…. and then there’s a very confused me trying to sort it all out… and another me that just wants to give up. And then of course there’s the real me that just wants it all to stop. I’m not talking about politics… at least there isn’t a controversy over THAT! the true controversy has more to do with me and is ultimately more important.

I only have one life, right? I am struggling with something that all teenagers struggle with. What do I want to do for the rest of my life? I’m also struggling with another thing that some teenagers struggle with… this is what people expect me to do with my life, and this is what I want to do with my life. Basically, I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but it’s not what every one else expects me to. OH! and what I actually do with my life won’t be what any of us expect/want as of this moment! confusing, I know. Try having this argument rolling over and over in your head when all you want to do is just rest a while.

That’s the beauty of God. He lets you rest. I know that God has an awesome plan for my life, but his plan(so far) doesn’t allow for some of the things that I want. I’m at the boiling point. Do I trust God with my future, or do I forget it all and do my own thing? I know what I should do, and I know what I want to do… that is trust God… and yet it’s so hard to let go of my own dreams. What now???

~A VERY confused Grace.